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Sunday, Mar 03, 2013 - 23:42 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Going, Going, Gone


Preliminaries

A short follow up: Today has redeemed the local media slightly with a commentary on how it may be good for some restaurants to close, and actually pegged an "artifically large number of cheap foreign workers" as one of the causes, together with high rentals. Actually, the Institute of Policy Studies has sanctioned such articles often enough, but the thing is that talk is so, so cheap (not like some other things, and how much clout do academics have anyway?). The Finance Minister has exhibited good sense in declaring that property prices are still overheated, but whether his colleagues will work on frank feedback remains to be seen.

The economics of another policy might best reflect their extreme competency in one area - (completely legally) skimming off excess profits. The new Budget has introduced a tiered Additional Registration Fee (ARF). If that doesn't immediately ring a bell, it's just one of those taxes plonked atop a vehicle's actual market value, such that a car costing just over S$10000 routinely sells for over ten times more.

The part on capping car loans to 50% of the purchase price over five years does make sense, and incredibly there have been no lack of customers thronging showrooms for a last chance at the old loan regimen, even as very conservative estimates for the upkeep of a "cheap" car exceed S$170000 over ten years (probably nearer S$200000 today). Sometimes, I can't decide if buyers are really that rich, or just profligate, given the current cut-throat pricing, and whether they will go for alternative financing.

Which goes back to the government's cleverness - there are certainly many ways to manage vehicle growth, most of them probably already previously proposed. The basic mechanism is, of course, a quota - but then, the question is how this quota gets to be divided. A queue for each individual? Additional slots for large families? Transferable credits?

The answer has, with few exceptions, been bidding, so much so that their dictum is likely "why set a quota when you can collect a tax?". Indeed, if car dealers start cutting their prices to maintain sales levels, the move would represent a transfer from them to the authorities, the same basic idea as with rentals (and perhaps even childcare subsidies, given who the anchors are). Now, I'm not saying this is wrong, if the monies are expended wisely - Robin Hood, anyone? - just what it is. As an example, the Wage Credit Scheme is a step in the right direction... till the three years run out, at least.

But yes, far easier to criticize, no?

As to longer-term solutions, driverless cars have gotten some additional supporters and even gone on the national news. Direct neural interfacing is coming along nicely too, along with other advances, such as 3D pens, more touchbooks (well, not for Apple just yet - fingerprints would cram their style) and making food obsolete, but king of them all might be footballs that don't deflate - how many years did it take to come up with that?


When you think you've thought of it all
[N.B. Has been done for tyres, in a very different direction]


The wackiest it-might-just-work startup I've come across in recent months offers to digitize one's snail mail for US4.99/month. I've always fantasized about having a full soft record of my correspondence (as can be guessed, I'm not too huge on personal privacy), but the tiny problem might be that some mail's just not meant for this - how much should I trust an anonymous worker with credit cards?

Finally, there has been a much-shared post going around on Facebook about how Hokkien is the ancient Imperial language of China 2000 years ago, which turns out to have been floating about for years. Given the history of, say, English, I can't say I would be too surprised if it turns out to be true.


Election Of This Millenium And The Last

Many don't get to see one, even if they lived for five hundred years - we're gonna have a new Pope... and a Pope Emeritus (where did they get that idea?). Well, if nothing else, the Vatican has got history, and bookmakers certainly aren't sitting this one out, scrumptious scandals swirling in the background and Twitter bans be darned. The cardinal from Ghana is as of now the prohibitive favourite at 11/4 - he would be only the fourth African Pope if elected, though the third occured in the fifth century A.D., so perhaps we've been going backwards in racial terms.

Next comes a quartet of Italians (as usual) with a Canadian sandwiched between them, followed by an international cast from Hungary, Austria, the Philippines, Argentina, Nigeria, Brazil, Honduras and the United States all quoted at 25/1 or below. For the adventurous, Richard Dawkins is in at 666/1 (completely a coincidence, surely), while if you're of the opinion that the Pope ought to be able to hold a tune, since he presides over millions of choirboys, how about Bono at 1000/1? No Sting, sadly, despite the One World Futbol project surely having a larger impact than many cardinals' lifetime initiatives.

But before the white smoke emerges, it's all up in the air, and a dark horse candidate naturally emerges for those interested in crosses of another kind - Entertainer Rafael Benitez has pulled the ol' dump-'em-before-they-dump-you maneuver with Chelsea... but what did he expect, after winning both the Champions League and FA Cup wasn't enough for Roberto Di Matteo to ride out a 0-3 away loss to Juventus?

Or maybe, just maybe, St. Rafa has secretly set his sights on a bigger job?


He certainly has the fanatical unblinking support
(Source: hotterthanapileofcurry.wordpress.com/)


And the other site's passed 900k hits. Not that many clicks, unfortunately.


Schooled

"The Italians are the only race I know who have the ability to serve without appearing subservient"
- Maestro, Cat O' Nine Tales, Jeffrey Archer



The Biggest Curry Puff In Singapore


My lab senior treated the group to Italian at La Nonna last Monday after he passed his thesis examination. There, I realized that while I'm still the junior, my number's coming up soon too (I hope), with my supervisors strongly hinting me to do up a thesis proposal (which I did). So, all I need is two more papers... but since when have I been afraid of writing or (ok, this is more debatable) thinking? The first time's the hardest, so they say.

While the JustLunch initiative has made it to the news, an idea perhaps completely orthogonal to it caught my eyes at Yusof Ishak House - the Mujin-Ten, or 無人店. As the name suggests, it's simply a store that's unmanned (well, except for a camera), and works on the principle of trust, as well as whether it's really necessary for such small-scale businesses to employ a shopkeeper (productivity, hint hint)

Some longtime establishments have also recently closed down - 7-Eleven has replaced Cheers (not sure if mentioned), the Grinning Gecko just off the Central Forum with the Eskimo, and the Great Wall restaurant at the swimming pool with Chill Out Loud; haven't found any activity that is as guaranteed to provoke ravenous hunger as a good long swim yet.

I've also been signing up as an experiment participant whenever I can - the coffee money is nice, obviously, but perhaps more of a draw is the opportunity to guess what the experimenters are trying to find out - which participants are generally not supposed to know, but that's the big attraction.


Seen by seat of SBS bus



Mr. Ham Bows Out

I was mildly taken aback to find Mr. Ham's residence cleaned out on the morning of the 26th - the little bugger's disappeared for stretches often enough, but this was beyond the pale. I poked about fruitlessly for some minutes, when I heard a familiar voice at my elbow.

Mr. Ham: *harummph* *cough*

Me: Ah, that's where you are... only more... insubstantial?

Mr. Ham: Oh, a slight inconvenience. Nobody told you that I'm dead too?

Me: Ah... I didn't realise that. Weren't you completely fine just last night, and chomping down your usual noodle several days ago?


Hurry up with the noodle refill, human flunkey!


Mr. Ham: *shrugs* You know how these things go.

Me: Ah, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

Mr. Ham: *waves paw dismissively* Don't be. I mean, look at Mr. Robo - his existence took an upturn after his passing. Not impugning on the quality of your guardianship, of course. And I made a pretty profit from it too.

Me: I don't see the connection.

Mr. Ham: You see, us rodents have the equivalent of the Reaper, called The Death Of Rats. Not quite a true hamster yet, but we're getting there. Anyway, let's just say that one can get some useful... insider information, when one has in his possession photographs of Mr. Death in... embarassing and incriminating positions, if you catch my drift. *winks* After that, all that remained was to take out a bunch of life insurance policies, and wait.

Me: Assuming that you're not making this up, what use do you have for money? You're, like, dead!

Mr. Ham: *in a huff* You wouldn't understand. It's the principle of the thing.

Been a good run, though, can't complain; just dropping by to settle a few outstanding matters. *looks around* err... have you seen my... shovel buddies around? They're supposed to get rid of a few objects for me.


Everyone should have one, I think you'll agree
(Source: boingboing.net)


Me: Er, I think they took your flatscreen TV, VCR, stereo, fridge, smartphone, and hacked out the copper wiring in the walls, but clean forgot about your computer.

Mr. Ham: Drat! Like what they say, you can trust 'em with your life, but not your death. Oh well, be a dear and run the "Internet Explorer.exe" batch file for me? It'll do the job.

Me: *double-clicks* Why did you give it that name?

Mr. Ham: So I wouldn't accidentally run it, duh. Oh, and open the personal safe, I have some stuff there that I'd like my successors to have. The security code's... uh... S-I-L-L-Y-H-U-M-A-N.

Me: That's nice. Done. This thick manila envelope?

Mr. Ham: Yup. Hey, careful!

*a bunch of mustaches slips out from the unsealed envelope*

Me: How curious. They look astonishingly like Herr Ahm's, Monsieur Jambon's and Esquire Pants', to name a few.

Mr. Ham: Um, ah, yes, they were so sad that they... shaved off their mustaches and mailed them to me! Tearing your hair is a sign of unrestrained grief, you know.

Me: You have weird friends.

Mr. Ham: Hey, everyone has their own way of coping. By the way, don't expect Herr Ahm and the lot to be around in person for awhile. They have... some affairs to take care of.

Me: And your businesses?

Mr. Ham: I've made preparations. Most of them will go to my various kids, with the exception of the Cult, where I'll be staying on for a bit.

Me: Wait, you have kids?

Mr. Ham: *dismissively* Oh, I get around. Long warm summer nights, a tiny bit too much to drink, irresistable natural charm, it all just sort of happens. There are provisions for all of them, but I like to think that the biggest gift I've given them is that of plain common sense.

One of them was a real chip off the old block, tried to knock me off to get his inheritance early - ah, the vigour of youth! Liked that boy so much that I had an icebox on hand for his finger-amputation punishment after he got caught, so he could get it reattached. Can't tell you how much tradition I broke for that one! Now that he has mellowed a bit and learnt about loyalty, I bequeathed the Gang to him. I'm so proud of him.

*wipes tiny tear from eye*

Say, you want to see their pictures? They're in my virtual wallet on the computer.

Me: *hastily* That won't be necessary. But why the Cult?

Mr. Ham: Heh, seeing as how much they were donating when I just talked about spirits and the afterlife, how much do you think they'll be forking out when a real, bona-fide ghost takes the lecturn? I've been signed up for the next half a year for guest appearances at other cult meetings too. Oh, and it's now Senior Great Grandpappy Emeritus of The One True Holy Blessed Quadrilateral to you, boyo.

Me: ...

Mr. Ham: Come on, it's not all bad. Remember to keep the envelope in a safe place, I'll need you to hand it on. And the mustaches. Very important. Don't lose them!






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