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Sunday, Mar 17, 2013 - 01:19 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Recollections From Beyond

"The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong."

- Winston Churchill



Preamble

The statement 6÷2(1+2)=? has gotten many into a tizzy, which is to me two lessons - first, overspecify (in this case, insert more brackets) when in doubt, and second, notation is not rigid, i.e. many standard practices in math can be overturned yet leave the discipline fundamentally untouched.

Next up, one of the fathers of (artificial) neural network research has had his company snapped up by Google, who seem to be pulling out the stops in this area even as they pull the plug on more mundane products, while the MIT Media Lab found out, to their dismay, that they aren't hot enough to get away with what the frat jock set can. Hopefully all this will eventually lead to more accurate translations by the big G.

And more on this month in science - sociolinguists have made a breakthrough in, uh, "more vulgarities, please". From the title, they haven't been about this part of the world; if one of them could snag a fellowship here, I believe that they would be instantly captivated by the sheer range and rhythm of options that our variety of dialects can offer. Bringing back some pigeons to do their business on our very pricey cars should do for a productive field study.

Finally, the fellows at the Vatican haven't been taking their time, as they elected one of their number within two days. The new Pope probably has enough on his hands without Rodman dropping by - they do have as many nukes as North Korea, and furthermore have actual antagonism to burn in the US.


Be A Pain In The Posterior. It Pays.


Watch player in foreground facing the goalkeeper



Well, like, what didja expect?

Let it not be said that our Budget promises come without strings attached - regular as clockwork and as foreseen, the buts have come - extending the minimum occupation period, shortening leases, sales restrictions... this may well be justified, but seeing as how out of proportion the market probably is, any medicine that's strong enough to work, is gonna be bitter. Notably, The Economist picked up on our ever-bombastic property names some months after my observation (in the case of The Irony, too)

The HDB seems to be catching on, as I noted that a sign had gone up in front of my parents' place designating it Ping Yi Greens. What next, Ang Mo Kio Acres and Lakeside Lodges? Ok, it's not all hype, we might actually be leading in "garden buildings", but being declared as "Asia's most innovative city" (by a consulting firm based... here) might be laying it on a bit thick. We're not bad in this respect, but the best? Then again, after we got named the top sports city, anything goes.

Tellingly, the comments of the article largely mirror each other in pointing out the classic danger signs of asset inflation, and the ramifications thereof, which in a single line might be summed up as "people who think that they are bloody rich on paper and are overoptimistic about future income can easily overextend themselves with debt and consumption" (see 4:05 of Youtube clip below - I think I've linked to this already, but on second thought, it probably deserves an embed)



True, it isn't a perfect parallel - our supply of housing units is only catching up, for one, our banks are probably more disciplined when it comes to ninja-type loans, and our government probably has enough clout to pressure them to handwave minor margin calls on mortgages if the worst happens - but there are enough correspondences to warrant a sit-down, perhaps more than ever as even media companies are considering dabbling in real estate investment trusts, which brings to mind the warning that a sure sign of overheating is that even newspaper boys are buying stocks (then again, it's not as if their day job is all that stimulating)

But nobody likes bears and contrarians; seemingly, most prefer ever-positive prophets, however unrealistic. There should be a theory on how this tendency inevitably creates market cycles, animal spirits aside...

It has all happened before, and it will all happen again.


Those Who Have Passed

Mr. Robo (floating by): Hmm, sounds like a system in dynamic equilibrium. Might be illuminating to model it with a huge number of individual agents possessing attributes such as risk capacity, greed and competitiveness under reasonable rationality assumptions, and see what we get.

Me: Mr. Robo! Long time no see! How are you doing?

Mr. Robo: So-so. The gem business has been put on hold, so now I'm just tagging along with Mr. Ham when he makes his Cult appearances. For now, it mostly involves writhing on the floor when he needs a negative example of what will happen to the attendees in the hereafter if they don't pay up now, but he says he'll work me into more demanding roles as I expand my repertoire. And what about you?

Me: Ha, I dunno. Was applying a technique I extended on a biological cell dataset, but after half a week of tweaks, it only approached the best current known method - but the final few percent wouldn't budge. It's hard to tell what's worse, coming up with something that totally doesn't work, or that just falls short? Deadline missed either way.

Mr. Robo: Ah.

Me: Anyway, after that, I found out that exactly the same approach had been described, down to the implementational advantages, and applied to a completely different subfield some five years ago, which at least gives the consolation that it's at least potentially viable. Of course, this again brings up the realisation that the success of any method, despite researchers' best intentions, are heavily skewed towards positive findings, even when knowing what doesn't work may be just as useful.

Perhaps it was for the best, since the writing and justifications would have been a right rush otherwise. Speaking of which, part of the idea came from some lines that I fancied for some reason, of one who could only be killed:

By neither man or beast,
Neither inside or outside,
Neither in the day time nor in the night,
Neither on land nor in air.

Of course, with this sort of thing, there's always a catch somewhere. People being people after all, their myths and paradoxes do not exceed certain limits, betraying common needs and drives; it is comforting to realise that deep down, we are all so similar.


Homo narrans, that's us... and the odd Arsenal fan
"Imagined all the world... within the snowflake on his palm"


Mr. Ham: Ya talking aboot me?

Me: Maybe.

Mr. Ham: And Mr. Robo, didn't I tell you to polish up on your dying Gaul move? The last set of customers weren't too impressed, said you weren't convincing - the screaming was off-pitch, the trembling too fast, and the gravity insufficient.

Mr. Robo: Huh? Were they the Cosmological Congregation Of Celestial Community, the Revealed Gathering Of All Souls, or the Forever Friends Of The Most High (Reformed, Dualitan, Northern Orthodox Split, Neothantologican Doctrine, 1993)?

Mr. Ham: Wait, let me check my Filofax. *flips through notes* I think it was the Forever Friends... eh, is it the 17th already? Crap! I thought it was last week, and based my entire two-hour speech on the Book of the Ineffable Circle Of The Lord!

Mr. Robo: Aren't they bitterly opposed to the Forever Friends?

Mr. Ham: Ah, it was a quarter Golden Rule, a quarter poorly-disguised self-interest, and half gibberish anyway. The usual. Not surprised that they couldn't tell the difference. But they'll be back bombing each other tomorrow, sure as I'm your boss. Remind me to call up my banker and demand my payment before one faction or the other gets their treasury blown up. Be a good ghost and go through the script for Tuesday, m'kay? There's a raise in it if we meet our recruitment targets.

Mr. Robo: Gotcha, boss! *dematerializes*

Mr. Ham: Good to see Mr. Robo getting some direction in death. And how are my disciple-successors doing?

Me: Very well. They've doubled in size since their arrival. In perfect health, too.

Mr. Ham: How can you tell?

Me: The website you sent me - check the texture and for discolourations, squeeze and feel the amount of give, prod to detect lumps, and sniff for pungent odors?

Mr. Ham: That was for fruit, human! Fruit, not hamsters!

Me: The method has worked well thus far.

Mr. Ham: Fine. So, I would have loved to stay and instruct them personally, but as you have seen, my schedule's pretty full. Therefore, I have gone to the trouble of engaging a suitable tutor for the two of them, to counterbalance the... slightly monolithic viewpoint of the local media and educational treadmill. Introducing... Mr. Dan!


Repeat again the tenets of social democracy!


Mr. Ham V: *running up* He made me write a five-thousand word essay comparing the Equal Money System with communism, after an entire morning painting placards for May! I don't want to be a Mr. Ham any longer!

Mr. Ham: Meh, no quitting. Who do you think you are, the Pope? Here, I have candy for you.

Mr. Ham V: Thanks, mister.

Mr. Ham: Now back to your studies, shoo!

Mr. Fish: Sir, about that appendectomy...

Mr. Ham: *losing his patience* What do I look like, your personal healthcare officer? Here's my supplier, call him up and tell him my name, and stop bothering me, or you'll find yourself losing other parts too.

Mr. Fish: Yes, sir, at once, sir. *skittles off*


Ham, Hope, Happiness

Me: You've surprised me. I never would have thought your political leanings would go that way.

Mr. Ham: *puffs on virtual cigar* No, they don't. But I would be far more concerned if theirs didn't, given their age.

It is good for youth to be idealistic, and not have the light of their morn be stolen by silly old hams like myself, who have seen too much, and surrendered to the futility of going against the natures of hams and men; theirs is yet the hope of salad days, and only in their innocence can the impossible be achieved.

Me: That was rather more eloquent than you usually are.

Mr. Ham: *waves cigar tiredly* One doesn't get to be a successful Cult Leader without a certain dramatic flair and gift of the gab.

Me: Which brings me to, you never spoke of your actual beliefs.

Mr. Ham: Always been partial to Crom, and thought the Nordics had a good thing going. Not too impressed with the new-fangled selection.



Me: Uh-huh.

Mr. Ham: See, back in those days, they truly believed. They would sacrifice great treasures, even their own kin, when asking for a boon. They meant it. Fair exchange. Now, more and more, it's something for nothing. Shut eyes and mutter. Sing songs. Please, can I have this? How about that? Oh, it's not for myself. Feel good. I don't agree with the Pope and his band on a lot, but they got it right when they recognized that doing things is what really counts, not hem-hem and jaw-jaw - which was the next natural progression, come to think of it.

Me: Well, something for nothing is the story of the age.

Mr. Ham: That may be, but you know what I am talking about. For example, take the lad who gave away his slippers recently. Surely what he did was good, regardless of which deity he does or does not believe in. Frankly, I'm not much for this sort of thing, but it appears pretty frickin' obvious to me that basing one's final reward not on what is done, but what is said to be thought or vice versa, just stinks.

*takes a puff*

We dwell in a world of heroes unnumbered - how can one reasonably set any of them over all of them? It is, I think, a very important distinction between the concept of an Infinite and the instantiation of that quality. I have no bones with the idea that there is an indescribable existence that is above or outside our comprehension, and that we don't know a lot.

What I am rustled about is how such an entity can go from being completely mysterious and unknowable, to having a ton of very specific and precisely-described needs, in the same breath, many of which are suspiciously closely aligned with whoever happens to be doing the exhorting. In all these instantiations of the Almighty by a people, His divine favour and allotments are somehow always granted to... themselves. The one constant in an otherwise diverse field.

Me: And what, pray, did you expect? This is our nature. Then again, it could be thought of as another social group thing, like nationality; I gather someone who believes in a certain deity, and is convinced of its unique truth, would very likely believe just as strongly in a different one, had he been born in another place.

Mr. Ham: It's a question of the assertion of ultimate and unquestionable rightness, and on the social point, it may be interesting to note certain teachings on following multitudes and narrow gates - there is some truth everywhere, mind.

By the way, you ever wondered about the ordering of truth, kindness and beauty - 真善美?

Me: And what about that?

Mr. Ham: That it reflects their importance. In particular, things that are good may not be true - one might say that it would be good for people to not be able to starve. And yet it is true. When one cannot achieve the all, one should give them up from the last to the first, and the instantiations of God are, to me, possibly good but unlikely true, the more so where they claim exclusiveness and insist on specific details. For what is more pathetic than a lover of the tale of the Tortoise and the Hare refusing that of the Koala and the Kangaroo?

Me: This sounds wise. By the way, our naughty Members of Parliaments both appear to have patched up with their wives, with the former Speaker photographed with her at an Adam Lambert concert. Good on them.

Mr. Ham: Never had any problem with that myself. In fact, that probably only served to increase my attractiveness.

Me: Yah, yah. Sometimes I wonder whether you're making all this up, and indeed if you are simply a figment of my imagination.

Mr. Ham: Man, that would be some extreme solipsism. Need more friends?

Me: My melancholy is faithful; it has not yet abandoned me.

Mr. Ham: *chews on cigar* There's no way to go but up, take it from a dead hamster. The last journey is one that we all walk alone, so some practice isn't bad.

Thinking back, death is a very necessary thing, change being the only constant in this world, such that all hams, men and named gods must fall. As such, there must come a time when one can no longer hold to the last of one's principles, when the world has passed one by. It is then that one should go.

For we are but visitors at this intersection of infinite improbabilities, to be completely forgotten in due course, lest those that come after be selfishly burdened by that which is not theirs, that they may enjoy that which is.

Hey, I like the sound of that, let me put it down for Thursday at the House Of The One And Only. *scribbles*



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2 comments


anonymous said...

the SDP bear looks quite satisfied with the blowjob your hamster is giving it


March 18, 2013 - 10:36 SGT     

Mr. Ham said...

Hey hey hey, that's quite enough ribbing on the Supreme Pontiff's part for one blog post.


March 18, 2013 - 22:01 SGT     


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