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Sunday, May 10, 2015 - 23:33 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

State Of The Times

Another lazy Sunday. Mr. Robo was not at his usual station, which meant that I had the newspapers to myself.

Mr. Ham: Ho there, human! And in case you haven't noticed, the petty cash jar's empty, so you know what to do.

Me: Right. Eh, I was halfway through that section.

Mr. Ham: *flipping through papers* I'm fast. Yadda yadda they're really throwing the book at Famous Amos, he's looking at up to three years in the clink. Funny, many of the details appear to be missing, like how Yee actually declined to be bailed out a second time due to his objections to the frankly not very reasonable condition of not expressing himself online.


The Price Of Freedom

Me: Yeah, the official media's sure doing their best to dodge the real underlying point of the saga, which is Singapore got free speech anot? Actually, we all know that the answer is "dun have lah abuden", but as with the individual demonstrators being arrested, the problem is that they don't want to have to openly admit the fact, which would be bad for our squeaky-clean "everybody so happy" national image.

In fact, Yee's refusal to self-censor has finally brought the issue to light, about a year after hope from certain quarters that Roy Ngerng would defy court orders to take down "offending articles", and force the matter. Incumbent loyalists are seeing the influence of Singapore's Most Kachiao Opposition Party behind Amos' provocative acts, and honestly I wouldn't quite put it past them - not that it should have a bearing on the outcome, mind.

And to add to that, a pesky member of the public has dug out a similarly religiously-offensive statement by a member of the incumbents' youth wing, which he states to curiously appear to have been swept under the carpet, which also seems to be the case with the identity of the very-adult Amos Slapper.


This one end up also no problem what
[N.B. By the way, the practice actually does have some religious precedent]
(Source: facebook.com)


Mr. Ham: Now, to be fair, the stance of the local administration has tended to be, you play ball with us, we go easy on you - thus, the previous offenders generally getting off with a warning or a fine once they had withdrawn their controversial statements and apologized... which is precisely the wink-wink-close-one-eye status quo that Famous Amos is challenging.

Me: Well, it's true that the right to free speech isn't absolute, with hate speech and other specific prohibitions common in various jurisdictions - Amos' supposed crime here appears to be his insinuation that Jesus deceived his followers, i.e. Christianity is not true and that its believers are deluded.

About this, if one approaches the subject with an unbiased mindset, one could rationally observe that if we pick two reasonably-popular religions X and Y at random, there is a fairly good chance that the formal dogma of religion X is that believers of Y (and, often, all other religions) are to some degree misled and deluded, and vice versa! The main difference is that they tend to be slightly more reserved about it, out of professional courtesy - but not always either.

Which is why I think, in this particular case, that Amos is well within his rights; he posted his opinions online, which private individuals are entitled to agree with, dispute or ignore as they please. He should have the right to state that he thinks that Jesus is a fraud, which is actually exactly the same right that others are implicitly invoking when they assert that they think that Jesus will burn you in hellfire for eternity if you do not agree with them, even though He loves you very much!

Mr. Ham: Ooooh, it looks as if Amos might be a lapsed altar boy. That could explain quite a lot.

Me: Not super surprised. Anyway, to sum it up: Famous Amos was not even stating anything remotely new - therefore, his only "offence" appears to be stating it directly without thick-enough cover, and if we ban such speech, what can not be banned under some excuse or other? Speaking of which...


Removed From Reality

One of our top rabble-rousing sites, The Real Singapore (TRS), has been ordered to close down as of last week, within the stringent deadline of six hours. I will be first to admit that TRS has had more than its fair share of half-lies, selective omissions, and plain unvarnished bullshit, but again: if such things are grounds for a shutdown, then why are certain "mainstream media" publications - which shall not be named out of politeness - humming along without a care?


As far as I can see, anything goes what
(Source: wordpress.com)


Mr. Ham: Actually, I find it hilarious that for all of TRS's deserved reputation for being anti-foreigner, two of their three editors aren't even Singaporean themselves! You've gotta admire the sheer cheek involved.

Me: On this matter, a longtime commentator has written a thoughtful condemnation of the Media Development Authority's heavy-handedness, with his main concerns being TRS being ordered to cease without a full hearing, and the lack of actual details about just what TRS was doing wrong.

Mr. Ham: *picking up another paper* There does seem to be some more in-depth information on the charges - let's see: "assertions about some nationality that could promote ill-will", "assertions that those of some other nationality were giving preferential treatment to their countrymen", "an editor's note penned under a pseudonym"... uh, are pen-names disallowed nowadays? And on discriminatory hiring practices, it might not even be untrue from past evidence, though your incumbents would of course love to pretend it doesn't happen.

Me: So much for bloggers and the online community as checks, then. Not that the shutdown will have much of an effect even, seeing as to how TRS regulars are probably already migrating to similar successor sites, one of which has taken care to pay proper tribute to our Number One Paper.

I still can't figure out why the heck did TRS go and host their website locally, though, when it has been pretty well-established that our dear MDA is frankly basically impotent once you plonk your domain outside our 718 square kilometres (and slowly rising), the pointless posturing by one of our former NMPs aside; and he's not even against offensive speech per se, so I don't even know what his real stand is.

Mr. Ham: Yeah, there's some brave talk about bringing foreign sites under their licensing framework, but let's be honest - that would be like sticking fingers into a thin-walled dam being raked by machine-gun fire. But the wayang must go on, lah.


Coming to a Jurong near you
(Source: channelnewsasia.com)


Me: Moving on, let's see, a UK bus operator has won the tender for the first bus package under our new transport model - the area's sure getting exciting. Waitamin, they're more than S$100 million over the lowest bid?

Mr. Ham: Yeah, and it can't be due to quality concerns, since three of the bidders got rejected for that. And, if you think about it, they can't exactly be competing on service frequency either, since all the buses and infrastructure are as supplied by the government!

Me: Looking at it again, I'm finding it hard to understand the incentives - under the model, all fares go to the government, which means that the bus operator's revenues have been fixed at the S$556 million tendered, over the five years of the contracted period. Thus, there is no payoff for higher service standards, which however probably makes next to no difference since commuters have to take buses anyway.

This also means that the operator's actual profits are more or less determined by their costs, which in turn means that they should rationally focus on cutting wages as much as possible, while meeting the minimum standards. Of course, they will probably wind up paying roughly the standard wage for drivers, but this then raises the question - what exactly are the new operators bringing to the table, that is worth an extra S$100 million from the public kitty, given that the most important determinant of service quality - the type, number and frequency of buses - has already been fixed?!

Mr. Ham: *pulls out cigar* About that, the authorities should really take care not to come down too hard on bullshit, m'kay?


Weighed And Found Wanting

Me: ...Conservatives win majority in the UK despite vote-swapping initiatives, largely because the leader of the Labour Party looks horrible chomping on a sandwich; their anti-immigration party has managed over 12% of the national popular vote to emerge as the third-largest by that count, but wind up with only one seat, leading to renewed calls for proportional representation... and it looks like The Sun has jumped on the right bandwagon again.

*reaches for the other pile*

Technology's headlined by Microsoft abandoning version numbers, also, more big data warnings. And where are the sports pages... ah, the verdict on Deflategate is finally out. Well, they employed a law firm that charges by the hour, what did they expect? Still, they did get their money's worth - a 243-page report! That's longer than many doctoral theses!

Mr. Ham: *scanning through* Gist of it seems to be, after a lot of rubbing and squeezing, researchers have determined that Tom Brady's balls were significantly below regulation standards, and they're probably gonna suspend him for it. Sounds harsh, but hey, rules are rules.

*whistles*

Quick, come look at this, human! Now there's a ballplaya!

Me: *takes a look* Oh, that. It's by far the most popular thread on the Singapore subreddit in recent memory, which could just be a reflection of where our priorities lie... is that a vehicle headed towards us?


Good day good sirs


Mr. Ham: *admiringly* Not bad, not bad at all.

Me: Mr. Robo, could you please tell me what is going on?

Mr. Robo: *excitedly* I just got a message from my pals that local high-end escorts are earning about S$1000 an hour! I'd been trying to get one of those homework gigs that pay S$250 per hour without luck, so I thought, why not? I mean, I have that training certification from Mr. Ham from last year, and there was this nice fellow from Texas selling his old ride for a great bargain on eBay. Had to remove some of the heavier weaponry to get it moving, but I'm ready for any heavy-duty escorting job you can throw at me now! You two wouldn't happen to have any leads for me, would you?

*exchanges long blank stare with Mr. Ham*

Me: So, do you want to tell him, or should I do it?

Mr. Ham: Why, Mr. Robo, I didn't think you had it in you! *scribbles something down* Here's Mr. Mallard's phone number, he's an established gentleman in the... business. Just give him a call and tell him that Mr. Ham sent you.

Mr. Robo: Gee, thanks, sir! Always knew I could rely on you!

*vrooms off*

Me: ...I didn't expect that either.

Mr. Ham: *puffs on cigar* We do what we can for each other. Live and learn, I always say.

Me: Not my problem any more. Ah, Mayweather's offering a rematch... now it's withdrawn. I suppose he's gotta build some heat if he's going to milk the casual fans again, they aren't going to forget that last atrocity in a hurry. And besides, Pacquiao may be pulling out his secret weapon next time:



Wouldn't blame Mayweather for quaking in his boots...
(Source: complex.com)
[N.B. Above excerpt edited to be more family-friendly]
[N.N.B. Do not mistake with voodoo! This is mainline Catholic Power™]


Happy Mother's Day!



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Next: A Hymn To Careless Men


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