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Monday, Dec 25, 2017 - 22:12 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Hoho Haha

(with apologies to DotA 6.83)

"The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword."

- Eddard Stark



Merry Christmas, and God Bless TRUMP!
(Source: r/the_donald)


The evening of Christmas Eve was spent watching Jackie Chan going up against an Eva Green lookalike who borrowed her stylist from Æeon Flux, with a Voldemort who's finally gotten reconstructive nose surgery as her boss, and a bunch of Tronned-up stormtroopers as her mooks (eh, doesn't that make her basically Sexy Vader?). The MacGuffin is Captain America's super-soldier serum, and the producers rip off a cut-price version of the Avengers' flying aircraft carrier as well as the Fast & Furious franchise's mid-air bust-up, because hey, why not? Throw in Comic Relief Hacker and Spunky Cute Girl Who Kicks Nuts Because That Always Gets A Laugh, and you've got Jackie Cookie Cutter Action Movie CXXIII.


First Year of The Golden Emperor

Among Presidents, without peer since Roosevelt;
Among Emperors, of no equal since Constantine.


It may be a month or so early, but I feel it safe enough to put forth the above appraisal, from what has been achieved thus far. While a more in-depth substantiation of this verdict will follow in due time, the gist of his greatness can be summarized by: he keeps his word.

In stating this, we must first distinguish between pledges of policy, and personal rhetoric. Expressions like "Lock Her Up" belong definitively to the latter category, because, really, TRUMP is underneath it all a Nice Guy - he's long tolerated the Clintons glad-handing him, for one, so what's a bit of ribbing between First Families?

With that settled, the current scorecard:

  • Withdraw from the Paris Climate Agreement and the TPP, Renegotiate NAFTA - done, done and done on his keynote promises. As comprehensively noted in June, these deals boil down to: it is natural for others to be outraged, when they learn that they're not going to receive free goodies that they would likely have gotten from a weaker and less-assured President.

    The lesson that TRUMP teaches here is: consensus should not be pursued and yielded to for its own sake. Especially in the international arena, everything is up for debate. Remember when Canada and Mexico were so adamant that NAFTA was not up for re-negotiation? Well, guess what they've been doing for the past year?

  • Move US Embassy to Jerusalem - essentially done; and, it should be reiterated here, that the House and Senate were basically all for it, all along.

    Here, we note that TRUMP, in passing the sentence, has swung the sword. Not for him the mendacious and fainthearted quibbling of Obama, Bush and Clinton - as he said it, so was it done. Yes, there's the expected anti-Semitic protests, but one has to consider that these parties were ultimately after no less than the complete eradication of Israel anyway. With this masterstroke, TRUMP exhibits an instinctive understanding of geopolitics that appears to have eluded Obama: help your friends, not your non-friends.

    Further, after the symbolic feel-good posturing in the United Nations (where Haley rightly recycled Obama's "I have a pen" attitude), it turns out that TRUMP and Great America are not alone. Romania and Guatemala are already following suit, and one imagines that it won't be long before more like-minded nations timidly fall in line. We will explain how this move fits into a coherent and brilliant global strategic framework in a later post, but for now, it sufficies to note that others only say that "the buck stops here". GOD-EMPEROR TRUMP actually means it.

    Oh, and both Canada and Mexico abstained from this issue. Guess they understand who's calling the shots.

  • Defeat ISIS - I'll just leave this here:

    TRUMP, September 2016: "I have a substantial chance of winning. If I win, I don't want to broadcast to the enemy [ISIS] exactly what my plan is."

    Oh, the FAKE NEWS chortled. They all laughed hard.

    Fast forward to December 2017:

    ISIS totally defeated in Iraq and Syria and everywhere.

    Like Superman, TRUMP has again quietly achieved the thought-impossible. One imagines him changing out of his costume and settling back into his Oval Office seat, munching on a Filet-O-Fish while partaking of the incoherent ramblings of his Twitter opponents.

    It does not matter, for the GOD-EMPEROR loves all his citizens - those who voted for him, and those who did not, however ridiculous they might look in Cunt Hats and Pantyfa Masks. For he is, in the end, their lawfully-elected President, however unfamiliar they may be with elementary logical deduction.

  • Tackle illegal immigration - with emphasis on illegal. Guess what? Done. Largely through words alone, TRUMP has persuaded his Mexican friends to respect proper migration procedures, because friends don't crash friends' pads uninvited.

    This has likely spared many innocents much pain and abuse associated with such border crossings, but of course you won't hear the FAKE NEWS giving credit where credit's due. Take even The New York Times: where a factual appreciation of "Illegal Border Crossings Are Down" would have done nicely, they just had to sour-facedly tack on "...But TRUMP Still Exaggerates the Numbers".

    And whoops, Canada's suddenly dropping their good guy facade, now that there are actually people trying to sneak through their southern border. Figures.

  • Renegotiate Iran nuclear deal - cleanup of this Obama administration clusterf**k is well in progress. Essentially, their exchange went as follows:

    Iran: Death to America! Death to Israel! Death to The Great Satan!

    Obama: I love your cultural diversity! Here's lots and lots of money, if you would just cross-your-heart promise not to churn out nuclear weapons; in return, you can continue enriching uranium, which we're sure will only be used to meet your energy needs, despite you basically sitting on a buncha oilfields!

    Iran: We'll take your cash, sucka.

  • Repeal and replace Obamacare - GG.

  • Economy & Infrastructure - Huge stock rallies, substantiated by progressive and appropriate tax reforms. Details on how this is more of TRUMP's ineffable wisdom will follow, but it must be said - his financial instincts are spot-on, due to actually having had skin in the game by living on his investing wits for decades, unlike his insider-trading opponents.

    This includes projects such as the now-approved Keystone pipelines, which had been opposed on environmental grounds because er, none of the nine endangered species in the area would be threatened. And, we should stick with less-efficient trains and tankers, because that would use more energy and therefore we would burn less energy... wait, what?

    It's sure like throwing "environment" into an argument has become a sure-win-you're-Hitler-if-you-disagree card, whatever the actual consequences are; well, not any more with the new GOD-EMPEROR in charge.

Looks like a royal flush, gentlemen.

One final observation: recall our prediction a year back, on what would happen with user and "fact-checker" flagging of so-called "fake news" on Facebook? Well, they've belatedly realised that people ain't trusting the checkers either - and for good reason, going by how Facebook is selling out their data to governments, alongside pushing their own propaganda (which isn't fake, not at all).



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Next: This Is Just Year One


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