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Sunday, Aug 27, 2017 - 17:07 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Negotiations!

Mr. Robo: ...so, the meeting got delayed a week due to continued reschedulings, but it's finally on. As the human always said, you can do this, hamster! *takes deep breath and opens door to Mr. Ham's office*

Alright, buster! I've prepared all the - very comprehensive - evidence that I've been egregiously underpaid all these years, and mark my words, I'm not leaving unless my base salary is tripled and...

...Mr. Ham? What's wrong?

Mr. Ham: *blubbering, while swigging from a flask* It's over, my old friend. We're done for. Kaput. I was about to break the news to you personally, but figured it may as well wait for our meeting today. Please, have a seat.

Mr. Robo: I, uh, you... but how? The way the crypto market's been going, a blind monkey who's only been dabbling for the past month would have turned a nice profit, what more the firm of H.L. Ham, which has been on it for years?

Mr. Ham: *hic* Well, a few days ago, I was off opening a new account in... I mean, socialising with potential investors on a yacht in the Caymans, and the private keys to our holdings were dropped overboard in unfortunate circumstances.

Mr. Robo: What?! But wait... aren't the bulk of our assets currently stored on exchanges for trading convenience, I remember writing the scripts for it...

Mr. Ham: Dropped the passwords overboard too.

Mr. Robo: There's a "Retrieve Lost Password" link, you know, I don't know how many times you've woken me in the middle of the night about this...

Mr. Ham: Went over the side of the yacht as well.

Mr. Robo: ...I don't think it works that way, let me show you, first, the 2FA code from my phone, which goes to their servers together with our login and password...

Mr. Ham: *smashes phone with flask* Whoops. And, uh, their servers were on the yacht too. Which sank. Yep, totally sank. Had to kick a bunch of folks out of the way to get to the life-raft, I did, it was terrible!

Mr. Robo: That... that actually makes sense.

Mr. Ham: So, as I was saying, H.L. Ham is no longer viable as a going concern, and therefore, we're going to have to lay you off, Mr. Robo. I am truly sorry. I'll definitely try to make it up to you eventually, but it'll take time...

Mr. Robo: *balls shrinking* No, not that, surely there must be something that can be done?

Mr. Ham: *sighs* Well, to begin with, while we truly appreciate your contributions, I'm sure that you understand that for the moment, the increment that you are steadfastedly demanding...

Mr. Robo: *quickly* It's okay! I'll even take a pay cut!

Mr. Ham: *brightens* The management of H.L. Ham sincerely thanks you for your dedication to the cause, Mr. Robo. But no, we couldn't do that to a key employee. Tell you what, you get to keep your current peanu... salary, for the next ten years, guaranteed! Plus, we're even throwing in extra perks.

Mr. Robo: Thank you! Thank you!

Mr. Ham: Well bargained and done, my friend Robo. And oh, you're reporting to Mr. Ducky, next morning onwards.



Meanwhile elsewhere...


The madness, it is spreading as the Eclipse is come.
(Source: r/the_donald)




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