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Sunday, Mar 10, 2013 - 21:12 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

The Cycle Begins Anew

"Apparently, the gamut of desire does not span very wide.
But we already knew that."
- The ghost of Mr. Ham H. Let


Well, the coughing's back together with a general tiredness, and I discovered anew that I'm not as quick (if dirty) a coder as I think I am, and also that plain DOS beats Windows upside down when copying hundreds of thousands of data files.

In the meantime, the incumbents have been making all the right sounds, beginning with the DPM announcing that we are in a "critical period of transition" and that economic restructuring will be painful but cannot be put off any longer - i.e., lights on, party's over. Before confused netizens could make head or tail of this about-turn, the MND minister piled it on with a pledge to reduce the price of new HDB flats by up to 30%, with nary a whimper about pillaging the reserves this time. How quickly things change with a bit of prodding (with more perhaps to come)!


Similar concerns expressed elsewhere
[Critical thinking question: Does America really "belong to everyone"?
Not that I mind the odd compassionate case...]


A preemptive 30% cut across the board would certainly qualify as decisive action, if unfair on the most recent buyers. However, as always, it would be prudent to watch and see what form it will take, instead of celebrating prematurely. Shorter 69-year leases? Yet reduced square footage? New add-on fees, or pass-on taxes? I wouldn't be counting anything out just yet.

Elsewhere, I haven't managed to get on to the SimCity servers in my only attempt thus far, which is probably just as well. Also, for the record, an ebook site recommendation from my brother, as well as a tribute to the prodigious memory capacity of the Western food stall uncle at the Business canteen (my usual haunt, despite being in kebab mode recently). From the comments, he was a law graduate - if so, recalling all those cases and regulations must have been a breeze.

The mysterious suicide-that-maybe-wasn't of an American IME employee that I initially dismissed as conspiracy fodder might have something in it after all, but nothing quite compares to North Korea, where fiction is routinely trampled on by reality. It's not that I've joined Mr. Ham in becoming a Kim-admirer, but when the guy invites Dennis Rodman to his little dystopia and then threatens the USA with a nuclear attack the next day, one cannot help but wonder what's going on in that cosy corner of northeast Asia.


It's a joke... probably. One can never be too sure.
(Source: quickmeme.com)


Rodman should really have thrown that pick-up game.


Successors

Being a ghost hasn't improved Mr. Ham's punctuality, and I had to wait half an hour before he wafted up at the appointed place.

Me: So, where are the new hires? And how did you select them?

Mr. Ham: Ah, that. I took out an ad in the local papers, claiming to be a tycoon who needed some kind-hearted souls to help him withdraw a few billion dollars he had stashed away here for a half-share - but they first had to wire a processing fee over.

Me: *face in palm* I thought you usually look dimly on such winners?

Mr. Ham: Ah, when you're dead, your perspectives shift somewhat. I figured that the blokes who would still get taken in by such a transparent ruse, would be most in need of a leg up. Didn't expect too much, but I received one joint entry. Simply adorable. Had the Gang do me one last favour by picking them up, they should be here anytime.

*a truck pulls up, dumps a container onto the road, and speeds off in a practised motion*


I told you! I told you so!
[N.B. As an equal-opportunity blog, the pale hamster shall henceforth be referred to as "Ham A", and the not-as-pale hamster as "Ham B"]


Ham B: *wails* See? It's all your fault! We're doomed, doomed!

Ham A: Relax, bro. They were quite nice.

Ham B: Nice?! All of them were tattooed up and packing concealed weaponry!

Ham A: The big bald guy's was "I ♥ Mom", how bad can he be?

Ham B: You're ignoring the skulls and crossbones and vipers and daggers and what have you... that's it. We're dead. Who knows what they'll do? Cripple us and make us beg on the streets? Sell off our organs? I should never have listened to you "one last time"!

Mr. Ham: Whoa, calm down, we're not gonna ham you.

Hams A & B: ?

Mr. Ham: Ham, harm, silent "r", get it?

Ham B: *cries* See? We're finished!

Ham A: *nervously* I have to agree. That was horrible.

Mr. Ham: Fair enough, wasn't one of my better efforts. But I do mean it, nothing bad will happen to you.

Ham B: *sniffs* Scout's honour?

Mr. Ham: Yes.

Ham B: Oh. Um, I could give up my appendix, to make it worth your while, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.

Mr. Ham: Wait, what?

Ham B: You know what? It's yours. Just take it. It's been starting to act up again.

Mr. Ham: Fine, that can be arranged. But first, do you know who I am?

Hams A & B: Ehhhh, no. Not really. Sorry.

Mr. Ham: *sighs* This is mildly discouraging. Where's that announcer of mine?

Me: I think your last cheque to him bounced. He was around a few days ago, and left after looting your Xbox.

Mr. Ham: Oh. Okay, never mind who I am. What you two need to know is that I'm going to give you a house, and more besides.

Ham B: Yeah, pull the other one, guv'nor.

Ham A: Will there be candy?

Mr. Ham: Huh? What in the world...

Ham A: *plaintively* Candy?

Mr. Ham: Yes, alright, and candy. All you have to do is to sign here and here and here.

Ham B: Ha! It's a trap!

*Ham A signs cheerfully*

Ham B: Oh, now you're in for it. He probably owns your organs now. Speaking of which, that appendix deal's on, right?

Mr. Ham: Yes, yes yes. My human friend, read it to him.

Me: "I, Sir Ham H. Let of Too Many Other Names To Mention, do hereby transfer all rights, title and interest in the Black DragonHamster I estate, hereafter known as The Estate, to the undersigned, together with the style of Sir Ham, to be his and his descendants' to have and hold for perpetuity."

Mr. Ham: There, short and sweet.

Me: So I suppose we have our Ham The Fifth. May I suggest the full name Mr. Ham V. Let, to honour your glorious predecessor?

Ham A: More candy?

Mr. Ham: I feel slightly underappreciated.

Ham B: Wait, you lot were serious? What about me then?

Mr. Ham: Fastest fingers first, hard luck, chum.

Ham B: You must have something left over!

Me: Well, there's the dormant Mr. Fish lineage, as well as free food and lodging in our new Mr. Ham's property, if he doesn't mind, that is. And, uh, before I forget, this envelope's for you.

Mr. Ham V: Why not? The candy's all mine, though.

Ham B: I'll take it.

Me: That's settled, the place is all yours, then. I've cleaned it up and refitted it slightly. Don't mind if the cops show up once in a while, thanks to the indiscretions of the previous owner *looks at Mr. Ham and coughs*

Mr. Ham: *indignantly* Well, I never!


Tomorrow is another day, just like the rest



...And it's here!
[with random audio]




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Next: Recollections From Beyond


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