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Sunday, Dec 23, 2007 - 02:02 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

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Hampsters!

I've always been partial to pets, but had not been able to accrue sufficient merit to petition for any of the furry kind in my childhood - which may be as well, since my few attempts at fish didn't turn out too well, once supposedly falling prey to good-natured attempts to feed them detergent (but we were very young then).

One of the benefits of being almost twenty-four is having an unspoken right to introduce new members to the household (provided they are cleaned up after) - and so after my cousin brought home an admittedly rather rusted cage and suggested that we get some hamsters, I was hooked. Okay, a bunny would have been better. Still, one has to start somewhere.

Today then saw a trip down to a local pet store, where we had an eyeful of the fuzzballs on show, then down to Jurong Superbowl where my cousin conveniently egged me on to bowl a couple of games (a surprising 153 with a Turkey in the first, going back sub-100 in the second). There was a pet store there too, which unfortunately only had a tiny selection, but we did purchase a wheel there.

Back at the original store, it was 3 p.m. and time to get down to the serious business. Zeroing in on a tank with three particularly fine specimens (one Campbell's and two Winter Whites), the interview began.

Interviewers: Okay, how old are you lot?

Hamsters: One week, give or take.

I: (Unconvinced but recognizing the futility of finding the truth) Hmph. Well, your qualifications seem in order. What are your expected renumerations?

Campbell: That tank over there as housing (points to most expensive available), for starters.

Winter White 1: Half a standard cup of assorted seeds daily.

Winter White 2 runs around wildly when poked.

I: That's asking quite a bit given the tight property market, but deal, since you lot are darn cute...

H: Cute??!! Man, that's a speciest comment! We are absolutely, certainly, 100% confirm-chop-guarantee not cute! Okay? (shakes teeny fuzzy butts and waves teeny paws and stamps teeny feet)

Blogger's note: Now where have I seen *that* kind of response before...

I: Fair enough, we take that back. I guess we can work out the other details later. If you two could please place your pawprints here...

Campbell and Winter White 1 do so, Winter White 2 runs around wildly when poked.

C: Hey, haven't we forgotten something? What are our insurance benefits?

I: S$15.

C: How did you lot come up with that figure?

I: That's exactly how much it'll cost to replace you.

C: Um.

WW1: Okayyyyy...

C: And the working conditions?

I: We boast an exactly 100% pet mortality rate.

WW1: Um.

C: Is it too late to back out yet?

WW1: (Hopefully) The half a cup of food a day is guaranteed at least, right?

I: Of course, but you understand that it will be taxed according to your wealth bracket, which is astronomical since it is based on your lodgings. And we have the goods and services taxes, wheel taxes for using the wheel, waste disposal taxes, water taxes, you name it. And of course we keep some of it just in case you two outlive the normal hamster lifespan, so we can dole them out to you later.

There is a great squeaking and throwing up of paws, but the two new foreign talents (Campbell and Winter White 1) are transferred into a paper bag as stipulated in their contract. And Winter White 2 runs around wildly when poked.

With the interview satisfactorily concluded, management now feels it safe to reveal that WW1 was chosen by my cousin for the reason that it does not move a lot and is easy to catch (against some conventional wisdom), and the Campbell was chosen by me since the other WW2 was hard to catch by logical elimination, and moreover the dark stripe on the Campbell made it possible to tell them apart. And the Campbell made a cool buzzing sound like a spluttering electric razor when handled, as opposed to the deficient soundboxes on the other two.

Without further ado, the landed property that they sold their souls for:


Two storeys in prime District Ham

We had done our research, and given the balanced pros and cons of wired vs. clear plastic cages it seemed prudent to take half of each. An exercise wheel is a must (visit Lucy of kilometres' fame), as well as a sandbath (hams don't clean themselves in water), a solid (not wired) floor, and hideouts. All accounted for. As a bonus, there's even a tube leading up to a second floor, and the wheel even matched the colour scheme of the tank exactly.


Winter White 1 meditates contentedly in the bathroom, in the Fuzzy Ping Pong Ball yoga position

It was remarked that our pets fit the owners' personalities - my cousin's Winter White went straight for the yummies and then attempted to burn off the calories almost immediately on the wheel. My Campbell snuck off to the yellow tubing, planted its ass there and didn't move for an hour.


*Definitely* an INTJ

Then, WW thought it would be nice to cosy up for a little bit, and the two ended up occupying about three percent of the available floor area for a long period. If we had known that would be their favourite hangout, we would have asked to buy just the tubing, to heck with the shiny tank.


Get your butt out of my face

Here's a close up of WW doing it's usual pigging out in the food bowl:


Hey, you take that back! I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned!

In fairness it's no slouch on the exercise wheel:


A mandate to lose weight

And here's the waterbottle they suck from. We originally thought it was faulty since it didn't have a ball bearing, but it turns out that surface tension is enough to keep the water from spilling. Live and learn (the hamsters did too, as they initially tried to get water from the black neck).


Slurp

In case anyone was wondering, they are both males, so there shouldn't be baby hams to worry about. Fingers crossed that they won't get overly territorial as they mature, though, and we've explained the thing about Section 377A in Singapore too. But they are social creatures, that's for sure - here's a parting video of them in the bath together:



PANDA WRESTLING? You kidding me? Hampsters are the way to go


Hampster Dance!



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1 comment


C.Wenhoo said...

WTF


December 23, 2007 - 12:44 SGT     


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