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Wednesday, June 24, 2009 - 04:13 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

I Protest




Dear Person-who-feeds-me (but who has not done so for nearly a month):

I am not pleased with your service attitude. Where have you been all these weeks? I hear you have actually chosen to travel around Europe, instead of stuffing my cheeks with food. My word! I nearly starved to death! I need a tummy rub, pronto.

You seek to buy me off with a crummy postcard. You seek to bribe me, and with a lousy pun at that! My uncle Al isn't even a crossdresser!

I might consider it if the postcard were edible, but it is not. Well, I guess I could eat it if I really wanted, but it is tasteless! This is shocking! This is an outrage!

But, I like the promises you have made in the inedible postcard, which would otherwise be totally useless. Rest assured that I will hold you to them.




In any case, there's nothing that great about Europe. I have visited instead the fabled Yellow Topped Cup, supposedly filled with food. As you can see, I have even climbed the Cup. And what have you done? Everest? K2? I laugh, sir, in your face, at your pathetic exploits.

I have also touched the legendary Black Wheeled Five-Legged Tower with my very nose; Slept in mortal danger at the base of the Unending Jutting Cliffs Above Marble. What, pray, have you come across in Europe that can best that?

And what is that I hear about you praising some dog you came across in Naples? More adoring than me? Cuter than me? Please. My dear sir, I think you are holding me to unreasonably high standards of behaviour. I have already refrained from biting you when you feed me. Is that not enough? What does a poor hamster have to do to be appreciated?


Yours truly,
Mr. Ham G. Bacon

P.S. Send food.



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