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- + hamsters -  It's tough being a hamster nowadays.At an age where I should be entitled to be gainlessly unemployed, peacefully whiling away the hours licking my own limbs and combing the fur on my handsome head, Mister Human Boss comes in and sticks a couple of articles up my dainty nose. "Why can't you be like some of your African giant pouched rat cousins, huh?" the two-legged tyro sneers. "And get your lazy ass down to Mozambique and help clear land mines. Be a HeroRAT!" "Or maybe at least earn your keep the hard way. This British rat competes for his food with a bleeding leopard!" the know-it-all continues. "The most you've done is turn down sunflower seeds for honey stars all the time you've been here." Philistine! I was gracious enough not to recriminate on the matter of the substandard fare served up, and he pours salt into the wound with his accusations. Mind, not that there are ever any condiments around to hide the blandness. It is exactly this sort of manager that destroys enterprises with their soulless fat-cutting layoffs. I have already lost half an ounce in the last few months - what more does he expect? I am half tempted to jump ship and link up with Mr. Fish in the world beyond - though he's a pain in whichever body part he bites, at least he'll look out for a fellow hamster. I hear he's landed a sweet gig promoting the use of the new variable, the ham, in asymptotic analysis.  The future of computing While superficially it appears like the three Latin letters h, a and m together, it really is a single character, the ham. Yes, it is not very convenient to write, but since when has that stopped scientists from using the Greek alphabet? Some recognition for rodentkind is long overdue - the combined contribution of lab mice must overwhelm that of any single human - and we're not too picky, we will share the honour if need be. I don't know, maybe with Dr. Richard W. Hamming, whom the Hamming Code was named after? Mr. Fish admits that the outrageously human-centric scientific establishment has given his lobby short shrift thus far, not even admitting him the dignity of a reply. Typical of those arrogantly evolved apes. No matter; plans are underhindpaw to declare the official shortfrontpaw form of the ham as the English letter n. Let the humans sweat over that! Making Mister Human Boss's criticism even more untimely is his undeserved luck in his pretend football betting in recent weeks. I commiserate with Liverpool fans in their valiant efforts to expose the massive conspiracy in the English Premier League; a quick peek at the table shows that four of the five ham-teams (my beloved Full Ham, Birmingham, Wolverhampton and West Ham) are languishing in the bottom half, with just Tottenham bucking the trend (and we all know they'll magically find some way to mess up. In fact, they've already started by losing to Stoke yesterday). There is some favouritism going on, mark my words, and it seems the hams are getting the worst of it, yet again! Is there no end to this deplorable speciesism? Profiteers like Mister Human Boss are the only ones who benefit, as he did when he backed Tottenham to beat Portsmouth, then dropped them like a hot potato. $829/$700 already, and he ducked a lot of upsets yesterday. How fortunate of him. $50 on United to beat Liverpool (at 2.23) - awfully generous odds even if form goes out of the window. N.B. the odds at Singapore Pools dropped to 2.10 for a time, but moved back to 2.22 as of time of blog post publication N.B.N.B. That's responsible diligent hamster research for you! $50 on Arsenal to beat West Ham (1.40) - simple enough, given that its against a ham. Hmph Next: Dailies
anonymous said... u cheebye hamster u noe how to bet soccer one or not
Mr. Ham G. Bacon said... Sir, I would have you know that it was Mr Human Boss who proposed the bet. I am merely a poorly-paid intermediary. Still... Gooooooooooo West Ham! Get those Goooooooooooners!
anonymous said... y u never cheer for liverpool
Mr. Ham G. Bacon said... Eh are they called Liverham or Hampool? (anyway, the last time I did that, I got squeezed, so no thank u)
anonymous said... next time u get squeezed, just bite his fucking balls
Mr. Ham G. Bacon said... I would have considered it, but I am sadly outclassed (refer to this).
anonymous said... JUST FUCKING GATHER YOUR HAM ARMY HAVE HAVE ALL OF THEM BITE OFF HIS SAGGING BALLS IN ONE GLORIOUS MOMENT OF ORGASMIC GRATIFICATION
Mr. Ham G. Bacon said... Sir, before we proceed, may I confirm whether u are an anonymous human, or an anonymous hamster.
anonymous said... OF COURSE I AM HAMSTER I'M ON YOUR SIDE BRO
Mr. Fish F. Chips said... Just to clarify, the sibei guniang hamster who dares not show face is not me.
anonymous said... u chao chee bye, u better get this straight: dead is the most ah gua, get it? you = dead, so you = chao ah gua
Mr. Fish F. Chips said... u ****** i **** u one time not enuff got balls u post your address and phone number den we settle this ham to ham
anonymous said... next year dun burn joss paper for you liao
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