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- + hamsters - ...is a darn useful thing. What I had thought incomprehensible, ended up laughably simple, unless my understanding went awry. Which is perhaps why two-way interaction with a real, live person is so useful in learning, and why teacher-student ratios are tabulated. I also have got to put far more emphasis on remembering names - drawing on past experience, I would put my average probability of recalling any individual name at about max[N/(5*(ln G + 1)),0.95], where N is the number of discrete meetups, and G is the group size; if this were not bad enough in itself, I have a tendency to draw a blank when directly asked to put a name to a face, and obviously it's awkward to ask directly when everyone assumes that you remember. Maybe I'll never be a get-to-know-others sort of person (you know, the kind who, after a week or less in school, can identify just about everybody in his year by name), since I frankly never cared, but it should be good to consider putting in more effort in this respect. For instance, when I was waiting for my printouts at the community printer, a fellow student alerted me (out of a group of about six or seven) when my username appeared, and I didn't know whether he actually knew me, or was just guessing. That was bad.  The late Mr. Ham J. Burger, rested on his friend, resting for ever more On to more sad news. Mr. Ham J. Burger has kicked his tiny bucket, barely a month after his arrival, and just a week after eating out of my hand. He was the sweetest little thing, but simply couldn't put on weight, and in the end succumbed, probably to diarrhea, at 8:30 p.m. on Thursday. Watching him lying on his side and struggling to breathe was heartrending, but mercifully it was over quickly. He has, at least, been inducted into the blog staff - watch out for his posts someday! Not content to be a one-hamster guy again, I went out and held auditions for the next to bear the name of Mr. Ham, and recruited Mr. Ham J. D. Burger (火腿三世). Instead of running the risk of raising another runt, I picked a large and stout fellow, who was also amenable to handling, this time. Then I got home, discovered that he had bitten his way through his paper bag on the way, and realised that his huge eyes, which had seemed so cuteee back at the shop, now appeared slightly... aggressive. No matter, I prepared a neutral meet-the-new-hamster session in a basin, taking pains to squirt both participants with the supposedly smell-masking animal deodorant. Slightly drenched, they took one look at each other, and stood on their hind paws with front paws raised. After a few seconds of posturing, Mr. Fish backed down a bit, and it progressed to vicious ham-to-ham combat as the new Mr. Ham fell upon him. It was clear that peace, if it was ever to come, would be a distant prospect. Faced with civil war, the only plausible solution, short of getting a new cage, was to divide the existing one - a move which was not without precedent. As the warring factions were segregated amidst cries of "Partition! Partition!", a human council deliberated, and decreed that a wall of green bathroom anti-slip flooring be used to split the hamster territories.  Two-nation theory revisited (Plan view) To Mr. Fish was given the left side of the cage, which has a new running wheel (which regrettably blocks the view into the cage), a new water bottle, and a new metal food dish, and in addition to that, sole right of access to the second level and the two running balls and cooling plate therein. Then, to Mr. Ham was given the right side, with the existing running wheel, water bottle, and yellow food dish (fixed to its intended corner). In addition, it contains the only sand bath, and more ground territory, to compensate for not having an outlet to the top.  Dividing wall on left The actual hamgineering fell to my uncle, who cut the plastic flooring to size and reinforced it with disposable wooden chopsticks in a jiffy. The flooring happens to have holes that are just about large enough to poke a muzzle through, making actual bites an impossibility unless one of the hamsters is silly enough to stick a whole limb across the border.  Guarding the status quo The wall pivots about the back of the cage, and can be rotated to allow access to either half. As explained above, its default position is towards Fishstate for the sake of equity, and this is achieved using a reworked paperclip to hold the line. The two appeared to get by swimmingly, if one discounts Mr. Ham sticking his face into the wall and staring menacingly at an oblivious Mr. Fish every so often. This arrangement was even held to be an ideal long-term solution, since it promised to eliminate any chance of physical conflict, which has so far been inevitable, and yet also provides a modicum of companionship through the dividing wall; it was hoped that some rotation of fiefs would set the stage for prosperous coexistence. That lasted for all of half a day, before a series of very loud squeals at five a.m. served notice that Mr. Fish had somehow led an incursion into Hamstate in a ill-fated Six-Second War. The invader had however bitten off far more than he could chew, and ended up on the receiving end of a royal smackdown by the rather more massive Mr. Ham. It was only thanks to human-itarian intervention that Mr. Fish escaped with just a bloody lip, and deservedly spent the rest of the morning literally scared shitless as a refugee in a basin, while we strained to figure out where the hamgineering went wrong.  Left: Mr. Fish in his new sand bath Right: Mr. Ham's smaller sand bath cum hideout The wall was fixed up by plugging up the most minute of gaps with additional chopsticks, and it was further decided to furnish Mr. Fish with his own mostly-useless expanse of sand to forestall further surgical strikes; to save space, a bird-feeder was chosen, which Mr. Fish took to quite quickly. Mr. Ham was likewise mollified with more space, as his sand bath was replaced with a rather more compact ceramic one. Immediately, both hamsters began shovelling out their once bitterly-contested sand in spades, which simply goes to show that men and hams both don't know what they want (which might, however, be safer than actually knowing and acting on that). This week (now $1984.50/$2300): $50 on Everton (-1.5) vs. Bolton (at 2.20) $50 on Sunderland to beat Birmingham (2.10) Next: The Second Generation Departs
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