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Sunday, Jan 09, 2011 - 21:17 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

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Fuchen Genius

Every now and then, I come across a gem that reminds me that life is definitely worth living:

(Source: Redcafe.net)

I've tried this before, but there's simply no comparism here. This verse won't be amusing (or even intelligible) to non-English football followers, or those either ignorant of or staunch adherents of certain religious traditions. For the former particularly, I offer some commentary:

1] Liverpool Football Club last won the league title in 1990, after winning it eleven times in the last two decades.

2] Did I mention that they haven't won the title since 1990?

3] Manchester United, nicknamed the Red Devils, have won eleven titles in the last two decades (sounds familiar). Also, a super-rich Russian bought Chelsea (and three league titles). And this is a chav.

4] Liverpool fans have generally not been the happiest bunch, other than two brief periods in 2001 and 2005.

5] Fans tend to complain to club owners.

6] Referring to shellsuits, not exactly of great taste.

7] See 4].

8] God's chosen usually complain quite a bit; must be part of the deal or summat.

9] It's never (H/h)is fault, whether God or club owner.

10] What, the Worthington Cup doesn't count?!

11] Supposedly once the new Zidane. He might now actually be better than Zidane, given that Zidane's been retired for four years.

12] No money, no honey applies to club owners too.

13] Tom Hicks and George Gillett, American businessmen.

14] Oh, they would, they would...

15] The Scouse "la" returns for a touch of authenticity.

16] Raphael = Rafa(el) Benitez. And it's not Rafa the manager named after Raphael the angel either - some Liverpool fans would have you believe it's the other way round... La.

17] To his credit, Rafa did lead Liverpool to the Champions League final back in 2005.

18] And they somehow beat Milan 3-3 after being 3-0 down at half-time, largely thanks to team captain, Steven George Gerrard MBE.

19] Oh, you have to see it to believe it.

20] Forth. Fifth. Geddit? Heehee. UEFA ended up having to make a new rule for them to enter the next edition of the Cup, since they had not expected a winner not to qualify by finishing at least fourth...

21] For that short period they were kind of decent, I guess.

22] Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United (you knew that, didn't you?) played mind games with Saint Rafa Benitez.

23] Saint Rafa came out the worse for it. Facht.

24] To be explained in more detail in 25].

25] El Zhar - on the cheap, loaned to PAOK; Ngog - 1.5 million, actually not too bad; Degen - free, loaned to Stuttgart; Bar-Ragan, who the heck... oh. Yossi and Babel haven't been total flops either... all in all not the best collection of examples. But oh, flops there were.

26] A hundred more, to be exact.

27] Let's just say Liverpool were not the most attacking of clubs.

28] And everybody knew it.

29] Fans ask owners for money, again.

30] Glen Johnson, seventeen million pounds. Alberto Aquilani, also seventeen million pounds. One of them is a defender who's okay going forward but not that good at defending, and the other is already at Juventus.

31] 'Nuff said.

32] Benitez got sacked, Roy Hodgson arrives. The only conceivable way this verse could have been improved, would have been by referring to "Woy".

33] Benitez stood up to that bully Ferguson!

34] And lest we forget, won the 2005 Champions League too.

35] Didn't help that he was a friend of Ferguson.

36] Admittedly they're good at that.

37] Liverpool are taken over by a new set of Yanks, completely different from their old set of Yanks.

38] Roy Hodgson got sacked. But what could he have done?

39] You've got to hand it to Liverpool fans - they're optimistic.

40] But we've seen this too many times before...

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