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Thursday, Nov 13, 2014 - 23:38 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Many Tiny Steps

With Mr. Ham being all too quiet these few days, and with such an occurrence being only too strongly correlated with mischief, I felt it best to check up on him.

Mr. Ham: Impertinent human! Stop sneaking up on me! We do have privacy rights here, you know, and in any case, I'm busy with the premier event of the week, bar none.

Me: Ah, you mean the APEC summit? Well, political observers have been busily mining subtexts, and they could hardly have missed the buddy-buddy positioning of the Bear and the Dragon, the cumulation of months of cozying up and agreeing to undermine the US dollar. Of course, our favourite Russian macho man couldn't resist putting the moves on the Chinese First Lady, but what's a bit of teasing between Brother Tovarishches of true Marxism-Leninism, da?

What made their closeness all the starker was the apparent exile of the Leader of the Free World, who got shunted off to the side, but then again they could be reading far too much into this; I mean, how much of this can be intentional? Surely, for all those sensitive souls who did themselves in for receiving an empty box or the equivalent, one can imagine that it was simply an oversight at least some of the time.


So very subtle
(Source: zerohedge.com)


Mr. Ham: No, you imbecile! We hamsters care less about your petty human intrigues than you like to flatter yourselves with! I am concerned with... *turns nose up* science!

Me: Oh, the Rosetta mission then? But I'm pretty sure you aren't involved with that...

Mr. Ham: No, no, no! None of that flashy tincan-in-space circus! What we do is the meaningful foundational stuff. *sighs* Here, have a look. *turns monitor over*

Me: ..."cat circles"?

Mr. Ham: No less, my dear fellow. Why, when I came across the original proposal a few weeks ago, I instantly knew that it was going to be huge. You know, cats being involuntarily confined to a marked enclosure? I can think of thousands of ways to exploit that! Fine, so it doesn't always work, but the nascent research community forming around the discovery informs me that my first impression was correct.

Me: Hm, sure, very interesting.

Mr. Ham: Don't patronize me, smartass. Here, make yourself useful and help place Subject 206 in the experimental setup. Yes, that's your smartphone suspended by raffia string over a simple white box. Blame the lack of funding by your biased human-centric foundations, they wouldn't recognize original groundbreaking work if it hit them on the head.

Mr. Fish: ...I'm only in this for the shopping vouchers. And you know my name, Mr. Ham.

Mr. Ham: It wouldn't do to get too attached to your specimens. You never know what could happen to them.

Mr. Fish: Now just a minute...


Optimized by gfycat gfyham, 4x original speed


Mr. Ham: Okay, four trials of five minutes each should be sufficient for now. Let Mr. Robo just convert the videoclips with ffmpeg, register and diff the images, and plot a heatmap of our subject's favourite positions:



Mr. Ham: ...and it is proven that us hamsters are not suspectible to the circle trick! Fascinating! I will have Mr. Robo prepare these findings for publication, pronto! Do not be envious, human! Human? Are you still here?



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