...and your mother is voting for TRUMP!"
- The GOD-EMPEROR incinerates a protestor with holy flame.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, rest in peace, amen.
And so they do, and so they do
And so Singapore has got its first ever Olympic gold medal, and in some style too - butterfly, to be exact. But more seriously, this was not in some obscure niche sport - instant national darling Joseph Schooling beat the Greatest Olympian of All Time himself, Superior of Over Fifty Countries (including Singapore), Michael Phelps, and it wasn't even close.
The many accolades aside, this should also spark a resurgence in interest towards swimming (though it has been a backbone of the local sporting scene, actually), much as table tennis rose in popularity somewhat. Regrettably if not wholly unexpectedly, salt levels in EDMW rose to rival the Dead Sea, with comments ranging from "not a true Sinkie" (in this case completely baseless), to "it's unfair if he defers National Service" (IMHO completely pointless, if ever an exemption were understandable, this would be it, why should he waste his prime years rotting away in Tekong??!)
Having said that, that's one national hangup over and done with, and with any luck there should be more to come - by Schooling himself definitely, and others hopefully. And, it bears repeating, the support available for even Olympic-level athletes remains questionable, the headlines and post-victory photo ops aside; lest it be forgotten, a rowing respresentative had to resort to crowdfunding to finance her quest, despite the amount involved likely constituting a rounding error in the relevant ministry's budget.
Apart from all the purely mean-spirited vitriol, one EDMW poster did bring up a pertinent point, when he admitted to some small degree of envy - which, to me, is hardly a bad sign. Certainly there are those pure unblemished souls who have divested themselves of all traces of ego, but for the rest of us, jelly is good - when applied positively. What's that old saying... not all who work hard will achieve, but all who achieved have worked hard... er, okay, that's not really true either, so let's just say that diligence seldom hurts outright.
Gotta Catch 'Em All!
Mr. Ham: ...and this is why I'm prowling aimlessly around the neighbourhood with you?
Me: No complaining, Hamchu, these are the sacrifices that have to be made, if we are to become top Pokémon trainers.
Mr. Ham: ...seriously, just fork out a hundred bucks and buy a Level 30+ account from Carousell, man. Your time is worth more than that. I hope.
Me: You don't understand, Hamchu. It's the journey, not the destination. And that would be cheating, which is why we never put Roborovhunt into use, despite all the effort Mr. Robo put into it. Not only that, spoofers are getting banned anyway.
Mr. Ham: *pants* Still, there must other options, like hiring a professional egg hatcher or hunter... *looks at prices* Fine, screw that, where's the next Pokéstop?
Me: Not far at all. And, look on the bright side, all that fresh air and healthy exercise... my word! A rare Meowth!
A Wild Meowth Appears!
Me: Sic 'im, Hamchu! Go get him!
Mr. Ham: ...are you shitting me, human.
Me: What? Isn't that what Hamchu does? And look at the battle chart! Normal-types are weak to Fighting-types, i.e. you!
Mr. Ham: *doubtfully* I am?
Me: Yeah, I mean, you've talked so often about your exploits, such as that time you came out on top of a four-way cage match against Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme; what's one little Meowth compared to that? I bet that his Combat Power isn't even all that high, after all.
Mr. Ham: I don't know, man, he's like, literally a hundred times heavier than me...
Me: Don't say such discouraging things, Hamchu - you're reducing it to a numbers game, when it's the heart and spirit that matters most. You gotta speed and nimbleness on your side, stick it to 'im, give it the ol' one-two, that fella looks like he's got a real glass chin. Hard and fast, Hamchu, hard and fast, he goes down easy. YOU CAN DO IT, HAMCHU!
Mr. Ham: *puffs out chest* Now that you put it like that, he's not that scary, seems like he fancies his left leg by how he moves, I can work on that...
Me: That's mah boy! I'll put your music on!
So many times, it happens too fast/You trade your passion for glory...
Mr. Ham: *pumped* YES! YES! COME AT ME BRO!
Me: Sock it to 'im good, Hamchu! You almost dodged that! Just a bit closer... aw, never mind, that'll land next time. Left-right left-right, nice footwork there... wait, are you just running away? Ouch, that must have stung. But you're strong, ain't cha, ain't cha, it don't hurt Hamchu... okay, it's not looking great, time to pull out the Special. USE TAIL WHIP, HAMCHU!
Mr. Ham: I DON'T *HAVE* A TAIL, YOU F**KING IDIOT! I'M A DWARF HAMSTER!
*IT'S SUPER INEFFECTIVE!*
Me: Wait, that's not what my Pokédex says, I coulda swear... oh. Wrong entry. Never mind. Oh wow, you're trying to get inside him to do more damage? Very innovative, I must say, Hamchu! Keep distracting him while I aim my throw...
[To be continued...]
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