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Sunday, Nov 05, 2017 - 17:27 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Now This Is Getting Ridiculous

Mr. Robo: Human! Human! Am I glad you're here! Why, after the Bitcoin price blasted past US$7000 on this Thursday, Mr. Ham has locke...

Mr. Ham: I'm out of my office, you ignoramus.

Mr. Robo: Oh! I apologize, force of habit.

Me: It's really getting out of hand now, but with the Chicago Mercantile Exchange rolling out futures, and Coinbase adding a hundred thousand new users a day... I don't know. Hard to bet against it with this momentum. And that was a fine dinner, you've got to admit, Mr. Ham, Mr. Cat is a genero...

Mr. Ham: *flings bowler hat onto ground* Pshaw! Traitors! Backboneless Blackguards! No-good Sycophantic Sellouts! Why I never... we've been friends and business partners for years, and now some... fat cat strolls in, and you lot are all pally-pally with the bloodsucker? This is it! I'm not standing for this any longer! If you insist on the deal, I will dissolv... Wait.

*trots back to retrieve hat*

*defensively* What? That was a good hat. Sentimental value, you know.

Mr. Robo: *excitedly* ...yes, human, from our chat with Mr. Cat just now, there's just so much that can be done. *scribbles on napkin* I was thinking hard about it, since Mr. Cat's offer is contingent on Mr. Ham's butt, I figured that we can amortize his butt at 3.7% per annum, which would qualify it for tax write-offs under the new schedule. And, and, if we float it under a private financing license, we can further securitize the bulk of it into rear-carriage-backed tranches, which would enable us to swap the AAA-rated portion for Treasuries to smooth out the risk-adjusted yield curve. Plus, I think there should be many takers for the junior tier - ICOs have gotten a bad rap lately, but there remains opportunity in the sector with good bottom-line fundamentals, which I think we've got. As for the name, I'm leaning towards ButtCoin, becau...

Mr. Ham: Cannibal! Poltroon! Turncoat!

*snatches napkin from Mr. Robo and makes to crumple it, before staring intently at the numbers*

Mr. Ham: ...

Mr. Robo: It's beautiful, isn't it? Maybe it's not quite on a par with the Double Irish Dutch Sandwich, but it's still a delightful bit of financial accounting, if I do say so myself. See, this part *jabbing at napkin* - I've been a bit conservative here, but if the new Hong Kong exchange approves it, we can probably work out a deferred bonus split...

*Mr. Ham sits on the ground, pulls out cigar and draws a long, slow puff on it*

Mr. Ham: Human, Mr. Robo.

Me: Er, yes?

Mr. Ham: We've known each other for a long time, right?

Mr. Robo: I suppose that's true.

*long pause*

Mr. Ham: ...anesthetic technology is very advanced nowadays, correct?

*looking at Mr. Robo, before high-fiving*

Me: We did it! He's sold on it!

Mr. Ham: *grandly* When I said that I'd work my ass off for the firm, I meant it. Contact the press, Mr. Robo - they're going to witness the birth of a new ass-et class!

Me: ... okay, I think we've gone a little too far.



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