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Tuesday, May 01, 2018 - 23:08 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Tree By Three

Let it not be said that we aren't concerned about the environment...


A Tree Named Fellaini

"You see that tree over there? I'm going to hit it."

- Ferdinand on Scholes; alas, perhaps the greatest partnership ever was not meant to be


It's rankled for some time - United playing sort of okay, but not nearly well enough that one can see a winning goal coming. Mourinho sizes up his star-studded bench with half an hour remaining - who will it be? Mata? Martial? Herrera? Rashford?

More often that not, the choice brings a groan from United fans watching the game from all over the world. Fellaini.


I think it's my best feature.
(Source: express.co.uk)


One could recognize the logic of the not-fondly-remembered Moyes bringing the unkempt Belgian with him from Everton, but to many supporters, it was a mystery how he survived the van Gaal and Mourinho cullings, when others with rather more skill and pedigree were driven off in droves. They knew the answer, actually: sometimes, you just need a big fella up top to lump the ball at, and hope that he manages to knock it on to an actual footballer, who'll do his stuff with it. Ergo, Fellaini.

The trouble was that this was a tactic expected of a Stoke City on a cold, rainy night, and not of a Manchester United squad assembled for what feels like a billion pounds. Now, to his credit, Fellaini does have the best chest control I've ever seen. Unfortunately, as general applicability goes, this particular talent is near the bottom of the pile.

Thus it was that when Fellaini came on in the 63rd minute against Arsenal, the broadcasters couldn't help but cut over to Juan Mata in the dugout, with the commentators politely wondering as to whether it might have been wiser had United gone with a guy who could actually pass and/or run with the ball, instead of flinging himself headlong willy-nilly at anything passably-spherical above waist level.

But then...


You lost to a tree. A tree!


Poor Wenger. At least he remembered to collect his trophy beforehand this time.


Y U Nerf, Icefrog


Come on, it wasn't like anyone was playing him
(Source: r/DotA2)


Always liked those beefy Strength heroes in DotA - grab a Quelling Blade and Stout Shield, and wade into the creep line getting those satisfyingly-resounding last hits with dat high base damage. And as base damage goes, they don't come any better than our Ent-alike.

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that one of my old favourites has been downgraded to oblivion. Remember when Roofy could maphack beginning from Level One, cast invis on his entire team, and Overgrowth actually did damage? Now, he's apparently supposed to be a lumbering Bounty Hunter harassing the backline from invis, only he takes like six seconds to fade back out of danger. Oh well, I suppose he could pull it off if he reserves Living Armour for himself.


Peace Is The Prize


They all said it couldn't be done.
(Source: korea.net)


And over at the White House...



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