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Saturday, Mar 10, 2018 - 22:42 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Smile!

Mr. Robo: Human! Huuumaaannn!

Me: Yes, Mr. Ham locked himself in his office again. Here's the latest key, and if that doesn't work, here's a crowbar. Odd though, the market hasn't been moving lately, but...

Mr. Robo: No, it's not that! When I arrived at work today, Mr. Ham smiled at me!

Me: Oh, is it his usual patronizing "I'm superior to you" smirk?

Mr. Robo: No.

Me: Or his practised plastic salesman expression, frozen about the mouth, without any genuine good cheer in the eyes?

Mr. Robo: Nope.

Me: Maybe his predatory "what a sucker" grin, often seen after ripping another poor customer off?

Mr. Robo: Nah.

Me: The sadistic twisted lip-curl that appears before inflicting absolutely needless pain and suffering?

Mr. Robo: *shakes head*

Me: The psychopathic teeth-baring slasher face that he sometimes makes, right before he smashes the place up, after one bad trade too many?

Mr. Robo: No, I would have simply followed the arranged lockdown procedure in that case. You listen to me, human; it was just... a... normal... everyday... smile!

*silence*

Me: You're right, Mr. Robo. Something is very wrong. We have to check on him. Hopefully it isn't too late.

*over at the firm of H.L. Ham*

*rushing in* Mr. Robo: Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, Mr. Ham, don't do it! It's not as hopeless as you think it is! We can always work something out, like another wage cut for me! There's so much to live for... human, say something!

Me: Well, um, just don't make too much of a mess.

Mr. Robo: Human!

Me: Nah, relax. If you look more closely, you'll realise what's happening, because once you eliminate all the other possibilities, what remains, however improbable, must be the truth - Mr. Ham is merely truly, sincerely, happy.

Mr. Robo: Is that even possible?!

Me: Wouldn't have imagined it myself. Personally, I'm extremely curious as to what might have caused this.

Mr. Ham: *rubbing paws* They doubted me! Uh, I mean, they doubted Master Political Analyst Herr Ahm! They laughed when I... he said that "Trade war, so? AMERICA WINS!" two years ago, they did the same when I warned that "Great America wins the upcoming trade wars" right after TRUMP's inauguration. Well, guess who's again being proven right... as Great America uses the very strategy I... he anticipated!



ABSOLUTE MADMAN, Stable Genius, two sides of the same coin
(Source: r/polandball)


Me: Well, sometimes the most effective strategies are also the simplest ones. So it appears that GOD-EMPEROR TRUMP has transformed the global trade chessboard into what's essentially a game of chicken... and guess which country happens to be far and away the biggest, baddest piece of poultry around?

Mr. Ham: Yep, it's now entirely a contest of wills and of not backing down, and as far as I know, nobody has yet prevailed against the GOD-EMPEROR on his major interests in that dimension. Recall, all his Republican political opponents swearing that they wouldn't back him, before quietly falling into line. And we've Canada and Mexico going from insisting that NAFTA could not be amended, to obediently writing up a new draft. As this POTUS knows too well from his business background, "No" is simply the first step in negotiations.

Me: And, actually, one has to wonder why the media seems to be making tariffs out to be such a huge deal, when everybody basically does that. The news reports aren't mentioning that the EU actually has higher steel and automobile tariffs than America, China likewise imposes hefty tariffs on U.S. goods, but when America tries some tit-for-tat, the lofty principle of free trade is threatened?!

Mr. Ham: Yeah, the trade war began decades ago if anything, it's just that nobody told America. Take Ban Ki-moon's latest slip of the tongue on the Paris Accord - "Who will make up all this losses which will not be paid by the US? That's a serious problem now". Well, no shit, it's not about the money, yet nobody wants to pay, and are just waiting for America to give away the shop, as their previous weak and easily-influenced Presidents would probably have done. Anyway, it sure looks like TRUMP's reviving the ol' British special relationship, as we have long suspected. Greater love hath no man than TRUMP!

But yes. He's gonna win again. Like, the mainstream press have been so consistently wrong about him and what he could achieve, all the way since he first announced his candidacy, that it's quite impossible to suppose that they have any credibility left on this matter, mainly because he is quite simply a genius. Like, he's just got North Korea to put denuclearization on the table, which is far more than previous Nobel Peace Prize winners have managed! Verily, we do not deserv...

Mr. Robo: What the heck is that awful cackling?!

Mr. Ham: Ah, just Alexa. Somebody has to take over when I have an off-day. And, talking about your voluntary pay cut...


Bonus - Assange recognizing Singaporean troll power (I have to admit, Xiaxue's growing on me):




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Next: Skin In The Art (Part I)


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