You know the feeling when you're reading a novel, and the author goes for the telegraphed plot twist that had been out of fashion since before the last dark and stormy night, and you wonder how he thought he could get away with it? That was how I felt when 4chan got the scoop on Epstein's "suicide", about an hour before it reached the mainstream media.
It's no exaggeration that this was how most every experienced pundit who'd been following the case expected it to end: the guy had, by all accounts, collected child abuse dirt on the great and the good of the world: former President Bill Clinton (it's nice to know that Lewinsky's doing well though), Britain's Prince Andrew (who I had thought was the model of a dignified gentleman, at last year's InnovFest), a prime minister, another prince, what looks like representatives from each chamber of Congress, and various high-profile financiers; a desultory tally then suggests that Epstein had the Arkanciders, the British Royals, various Middle Eastern potentates, scores of deep state hacks, and quite possibly the Mossad and the CIA, all out for his head. Jason Bourne himself couldn't have survived this.
The accusation that shook me the most was about Marvin Minsky, one of the fathers of A.I. - of all people, him?! What makes it worse was that it was a first-hand accusation, rather than mere one-time circumstantial connections such as with Steven Pinker (who's made his clarifications), Hawking (who we can determine was probably innocent of coercion, at least) and the current POTUS, who was one of the few to have the moral fibre to disassociate himself from Epstein, before it was cool.
Given all this, I'd gather that engaging in some conspiracy-theorizing should be a very reasonable response; apparently, despite everybody and their dog suspecting a "suicide", and a possible attempt reported in July, the guy apparently wasn't even on suicide watch - which was the only logical explanation, given the many precautions that would have been in place on said watch: no material suitable for fashioning a noose out of, nowhere to hang it from, round-the-clock surveillance, etc. While some are hopeful that camera footage will be available, this seems unlikely given the wording of the press release.
Well, there *are* some photos of his guards
I'm eagerly awaiting the official incident report, from how politicians on both sides of the aisle could not help but be united in seeking an answer for once, and the FBI has opened an investigation. Ten to one it'll be some poor low-level corrections officer or two taking the fall, for abandoning their post due to a sudden tummyache or somesuch. Personally, it's very possible that Epstein may even be checked in at a South American plastic surgery clinic after the ol' playin-possum switcheroo, as rumoured on the best early-breaking news source on this subject, that I know of. It makes more than a bit of sense, really - if the Ghislaine Maxwell data dump had somehow convinced the guilty that Epstein had maintained a credible dead man's switch, this could well have convinced the powerful implicated to arrange Epstein's extraction, and to hell with the consequences. Indeed, there're already signs of ongoing online cover-up operations...
Either way, the lesson is clear - to pull off such outrages for generations and escape justice, it pays to be backed by ancient and powerful organizations; adapting an Ian Fleming quote, once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, but over ten thousand separate cases in eighteen jurisdictions might suggest some systematic issues. And perhaps they might revive the old institution of royal mistresses while they're at it, rather than subject present-day dignitaries to the sham of having to simulate that condition through serial divorce - the good chaps would minimally have to live up to their responsibilities then!
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