Mr. Ham: Hola, human! What are you doing, typing away, instead of being out in the sunshine?
Me: I'm cancelling my subscription to reality, hamster. It's had a good run, some memorable plot twists in the 2016 season, but it's been all downhill recently. Take the Epstein subplot; as called last week, the "suicide" has been pinned on two guards, who supposedly fell asleep, and together at that, for three hours?! And one of them wasn't even a regular correctional officer? And they moved his cellmate out? All of this despite Epstein probably being the highest-profile inmate in the correctional center's history, and the entire US of A currently, bar none?!
Come on now, that's just lazy writing to me. I understand if they didn't want to splash out on pyrotechnics and CGI, this being a crime drama and all, but I do still expect a certain baseline of plausibility, if not originality, from a long-running production of this pedigree. They couldn't afford even a single camera for Public Interest Prisoner Number One, when a guy can't even pilfer a twenty-dollar basin tap from Singapore washrooms without being recorded, and teenagers can tweet from refrigerators! This is frankly preposterous. And they've now confirmed the "suicide" despite finding broken neck bones, with the "body" already whisked away by an "unidentified associate"? How basic can they get?
Mr. Ham: Yup, they're kinda jumping the shark now. Methinks the guards are gonna disappear in mysterious circumstances, along with any remaining loose ends... which reminds me, Maxwell was found reading "The Book of Honor: The Secret Lives and Deaths of CIA Operatives"; hello, who telegraphs the plotline so blatantly these days? You gotta let the audience speculate, man. Maybe go with the fad and set up a Battle Royale scenario on his private Caribbean island, or dip into sci-fi with a cryopreservation angle, if they're feeling ambitious?
Me: What really pisses me is that one can't even claim credit for predicting this accurately, given how obvious it was. I can't get over how the average family has likely been surveilled far more intimately than Federal convicts, what with about all major tech firms admitting that they had regularly snooped on their users' supposedly-private communications: Facebook with Messenger voice chats, Microsoft with Skype and Cortana, Amazon with Alexa, and Google with Google Assistant. It's hilarious, actually; were a government to attempt to force citizens to install eavesdropping devices in their homes, there would rightly be huge and potentially violent outroars. However, fold it into a cool-looking gadget - who'll oh-so-innocently deny any ulterior motives, mind - and there you have the citizens paying for the privilege of having strangers listen in on their sexytime!
Mr. Ham: Well, I for one always knew that humans are not on balance a very intelligent species. All that liberal indoctrination in the guise of education has been rotting their brains.
Me: Remind me to brush up on my Fremen sand shuffle and Jackson moonwalk to stymie the gait recognition A.I. that's starting to get implemented. Gotta push the HK post back again, don't want to rush the job and not do it justice, like somebody has been doing with this timeline...
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