The strongest man on Earth sat down.
Few alive could know how intensely the power to destroy the world - absolutely no exaggeration in his case - wore on the soul; invincible might engendered immense temptation, and it was all he could do, to fortify against it. The lives of entire nations hung on his every word, whatever his jealous naysayers might think, and it was only through his exceptional love and forbearance, that Great America had not been drawn into renewed martial conflict. He allowed himself a wry smile. Odds were that a so-called "peace-loving" Democratic President would have dragged them into hot border clashes with Russia by now - and gotten the Nobel Peace Prize for it.
No, in his governance, he would faithfully take after the only One he recognized as his equal. Yea, verily he would love them as his friends, for all men are brothers, in rebuke to those that sought to divide and inspire hate; and as such he said that Putin was his friend, and Xi Jinping was his friend - a sentiment kindly reciprocated. And Orban and Duda and Salvini and Netanyahu and Mohammed bin Salman, that last recently the victim of a cowardly and treacherous sneak attack, one and all his firm and loyal friends. The lamestream media might slander him as bigot and racist, but was there ever a man who had won the affection of such a diverse bunch of leaders? He thought not.
He had so many friends, in fact, that he had to be constantly on his toes, to not elevate any over the others. Take when he jocularly addressed Al-Sisi as "his favourite dictator" a couple of weeks ago at the G7: one could almost feel the enviousness that came over the other worthies present! Jong-un, that chubby, cuddly cinnamon roll in such need of a proper father-figure, was positively distraught, so he heard. He had to make it up to the boy somehow; perhaps he'd drop over for tea soon?
Like, he's not gonna win how?
It was, after all, mutual respect and love that made the world go around. Take Modi: he had gone out of his way to affect Indian speech features with him last year, and the fellow all but adopted him into the family a few days back. Oh, he loved Indians, they are a swell people - yea, even the fake ones, for who is without sin or an entirely fabricated Cherokee heritage? Again, he loved them all - black, white, Hispanic, Chinese, Indian, maybe Eastern European a little more than most... as long as they immigrated legally, and especially if they had nice assets, and were willing to divest of them in his various upscale and very classy establishments. He had much proof of that. And, naturally, the good people loved him so much in return.
His reverence for the sacred ideal of friendship, indeed, had seen him suffer for it, time and again. As when the hostile press tried to turn him against dear Salman on fragmentary evidence, or when they discounted Bibi's intelligence, or smeared Salvini for enforcing his borders, as any respectable nation would have done; what could he do, but support them? No, he would be friend to all who would have him, including that handsome dark-skinned Arab that Canada had apparently just elected as their first black prime minister, following decades of pointless progressive posturing. He liked the cut of his jib; definitely a better looker than the previous occupant of the office, anyway.
Size had nothing to do with it either. Take the nice tropical island now best known for hosting the first U.S.-North Korea summit. His advisors told him that they were a longtime client state too, and he supposed that it was true. Very well-kept, very orderly, zero tolerance for illegal immigration, exactly the sort of nation that Great America should associate with. True, they claim to be "neutral" and "friends with everyone", but those are some very brave words from someone whose not-so-secret strategic military masterplan is "try to hold out for a week until the Seventh Fleet arrives", and anyway, as Machiavelli had wisely observed, the problem with trying to be faux-Switzerland friends-with-everyone is that one could find oneself considered true friends with no-one, when push comes to shove. It's not something everyone could pull off. Like himself.
But, as he had said, they were a de-facto client state anyway, whatever their "official stand". He had never been much for weasel-word diplomacy himself, but hey, whatever works for them, he wasn't going to criticize his friend over such trifles - a foothold in China is very valuable, as everybody knows. No, he was going to help his friend, without thought of recompense. Perhaps he was a far gentler and kinder man than their esteemed founder, but they had so much in common: a will to victory, a disdain for the Fake News - though the elder Lee had been far more brutal with his shutdowns - and above all, being a loving, supportive dad to their kids. If nothing, he could gladly assist with all the nonsense over their supposed race-based fixing of elections. Goodness knows, crazy identity politics would have been the death of Great America. He understood.
You President now!
(Source: Official White House YouTube channel)
[N.B. And GEOTUS got the pronunciations right, unlike his predecessor]
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