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Monday, Feb 10, 2020 - 20:43 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Geonotes (Part II)

Well, that went just as expected.

The historic forever-acquittal too (obviously played down by the salty FAKE NEWS), certainly, but in all seriousness, who didn't see that coming?! The spectacular Superbowl half-time show lifted the curtain on what was perhaps TRUMP's best week in his GOD-EMPERORACY thus far (observe closely Shakira's technical supremacy in her lifelong commitment to truth and all that is good), perhaps best enjoyed alongside His Himperial Majesty's own spicy savage takedowns.

One could hope that the Democratic not-very-leadership could have learnt a thing or two from this absolute shambles of an impeachment hoax, given it's lifted THE DONALD's and the Republican Congressional Polls to unprecedented heights, but then they wouldn't have started it had anyone left in that party possessed any strategic sense. Instead, by all appearances, their gameplan's to cycle back to bogeyman Russia, with Schiff now moaning that TRUMP "could offer Alaska to the Russians" [?!?!], seemingly in prep for another losing effort.

Look, my fellow sapiens, I get it that logic might not work the same way on your side of the hall, but do you lot really, honestly, think that'll work? I do understand that you're saddled by a foaming-at-the-mouth far lefty faction that'll back-and-frontstab any sane member who dares to muse that it's maybe not a good idea, but a cursory glance at the real world would suggest that a huge chunk of the very many independent voters are getting sick and tired of this shit. This presumption is supported by the response to GEOTUS's upbeat and unifying State of the Union address, which garnered an overwhelming 82% Independent approval whilst honouring such American icons as the Tuskegee airmen, young female scholarship winners, military Gold Star families, and beloved media titan Rush Limbaugh.

So, what does the Speaker of the House do at the end?
Kudos to Facebook for resisting censorship pressure on such


I do get it, GEOTUS rubs you chaps the wrong way somehow, but the unfortunate reality is that the achievements presented during the SOTU were broadly true - and that's CNN speaking (for the failing NYT, read "Basically true, but we can't admit it or we'll lose our remaining subscribers" for "Misleading/This needs context"). Great America is now indeed the world's top producer of crude oil; unemployment for minorities and the disabled is indeed at an all-time low, with seven million new jobs created; a net 72,000 factories have indeed returned since the previous administration; the wall is coming up, and illegal immigration's fallen throughout. All this is true. Sure, maybe one might not care about all those points, but surely one can accept that most of them are pretty big plusses to most people?

Not the Dems, as it appears.

Pelosi's stunt might be interpreted in at least two ways. The first is that it was a spontaneous outpouring of frustration and other uncontrolled negative emotions, partly brought on by a supposed handshake snub, à la Warren (but if you inspect the video, he didn't do it with Vice President Pence either, and had mostly turned away by the time her hand was proferred); in this telling, Pelosi's ripping up of her copy of the speech would be akin to a goalkeeper flinging the ball back into his own net after being nutmegged by Messi, or a Wimbledon challenger smashing his racquet after getting bested by an impossible Federer backhand - pure disgust at being completely outdone by a superior playa.

While plausible, this isn't the right explanation, because as noted last week: this lady is calculative. Please note, I'm not saying this is a bad thing! I can admire sorta-competent women that try to have tactics, and can sympathize with Pelosi having to deal with the my-way-or-the-highway socialists that have infested her organization, and who're moreover doing it under a facade of inclusiveness; it's enough to make anyone vomit blood. Look, I'm totally in support of her doing a trial run by surreptitiously making a rip beforehand! That's highly responsible planning, folks, you don't see much of that with Democrats nowadays (of which more later). Imagine how it would have looked, had she flubbed the theatrics: "Weak-ass Speaker can't even tear piece of paper properly". No, she demonstrated an excellent pinch grip, exactly on either side of the pre-rip, and got the timing more or less spot-on with a flowing follow-through. Well done!

Unfortunately, fine technical execution does not wise strategic decision make, and Pelosi's now facing calls from the more respectable elements of her own party to resign over the undignified spectacle, with the ever-hilarious lads over at 4chan and r/the_donald thoughtfully gearing up to flood her office with replacement hardcopies, to make up for her loss. Happily, TRUMP will probably pardon her if she asks, or so the 4chan /pol prognosticators have it, because he's nice like that.


All hail the new king of political media wokeness!
[N.B. The general populace's getting increasingly-informed on mainstream media manipulation, so the same old tricks ain't gonna work]
(Source: mangakakalot.com)



Iowa

The establishment Dems have far bigger (self-inflicted) problems to agonize over, in any case. Which so happens to bring us to last week's pre-election prediction of "the chaos that will be the Democratic primaries". To be clear, it was mostly an educated guess, based on the facts that:

  • Bernie Sanders had grabbed the momentum going into the Iowa caucuses
  • Early primary victories could well translate into a significant advantage entering the rest of the election, so FiveThirtyEight confirms, and while I think they remain exceedingly biased on their political leanings, their statistical modelling remains worthy of consideration
  • The Democratic Establishment really, really, really doesn't want Bernie to win - and not only because he's extremely unlikely to be electable in the general elections

We'll justify and expound on that last point in much more detail, in the still-forthcoming Dem candidate roundup, but if we accept the above points as accurate, one contingent outcome presents itself unavoidably - the Democratic National Committee is gonna mess with the Iowa caucuses in favour of their preferred stool pigeons one way or another, as they did for Hillary 2016. That it happened was a given; the shock was how bad they were at it.

Just to give some background, part of why Iowa holds a caucus - which as far as I can figure out is some form of live mob intimidation session - is so that they can be ahead of New Hampshire, who enshrined in state law that they had to hold the first primary elections (which begs the question, what happens if another state does the same? Do they both send a champion to duel it out?). Anyway, thanks to the widespread anti-Bern fuckery in 2016, the Commie collective insisted on all four metrics to be made public: the first alignment, which is where any sensible election would have stopped; the final alignment, which comes after an intervening round of passive-aggressive threats, private bribery and small-unit clashes; the state delegate equivalency, supposedly mumbo-jumboed into existence using the final alignment numbers; and the actual national pledged delegates, in which the local Dem mafia ignores the previous results and pushes whoever they've been told to by the puppetmasters.


Practising what you preach!
(Source: stonetoss.com)


Berniebros were rightly ebullient entering the caucus, with surveys generally giving Sanders a comfortable lead, however with the most-up-to-date Des Moines poll kept under wraps ostensibly due to Mayor Pete being left off, though it also coincidentally had establishment favourite Biden running a distant fourth. On hindsight, this should have been taken as a sign of things to come. Now, despite the four-step process, one would have expected the tabulation of results to be relatively trivial. There're usually at most a few hundred voters per precinct, with maybe four or five viable candidates, and about the same number of also-rans. This comes out to, like, ten multiplications, ten divisions, and ten rounding operations. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Countries with millions of votes tend to manage to count them all and report the results in hours. Further, the Iowa Dems had commissioned a spanking new smartphone app that would do the calculations automatically.

So, the hours passed, with Berniebros eagerly awaiting the first bloom of their socialist revolution. Early returns were indeed promising, despite Buttigieg somehow declaring victory before any results were released. Mayor Pete did surprisingly lead narrowly with 62% of the vote counted, but the remainder would be expected to favour Sanders. Then... nothing. Huh?

Uh, guys? The Shadowy Soros-funded app developers finally responded. We think something's gone wrong with the SQL.

Now, as a coder myself, getting it all bug-free may not be easy, but leaking the PIN numbers too?! And fine, technology fails sometimes, but where's the backup plan? Couldn't the caucus ICs have just emailed headquarters a photo of the whiteboard figures with them holding up a previously-arranged password? And if it was the math that was the problem, couldn't they have just popped over to the nearest Chinese takeout place, and borrowed the kid doing his homework by the counter?


Standard rate, $5/hour, return by 10 p.m., no nego
(Source: theoutline.com)


The sheer stink of this dumpster fire couldn't be hidden for much longer, as concerned citizens understandably mused at how these fellas wanted to run the country, but apparently couldn't manage to have a small crowd in a school gym put pieces of paper into boxes without running into utter incompetency or outright cheating. As the second and third days passed, even the most trusting supporter had to suspect that something was very wrong, and the steady trickle of irregularities became a veritable torrent of fecal matter. Why was Hillary's Crowdstrike and Buttigieg behind the app?! And who the hell flips a coin, looks at it, turns it over, and only then reports the call?! You don't need a Chomsky to tell you Bernie is being robbed, but he did anyway.

Quite expectedly, the mainstream media was all nothing to see here, as they mostly dutifully sold the Mayor Pete Wins! narrative, with The Washington Post going as far as to suggest that everybody should just forget the sorry spectacle. Considerate Pepes would kindly dispense advice to Berniebros on seeking medical attention if their election lasted for more than four days, and not to get too hung up on size. Thankfully, the uncertainty wouldn't last too much longer, as CNN stuck their head out and declared TRUMP the winner of the Iowa Democratic caucuses - quickly confirmed by The Week. This meant that the GOD-EMPEROR had won both the Republican and Democratic caucuses, surely an unprecedented achievement, yet surely only a footnote in his burgeoning legend. In other news, all the Democratic hopefuls somehow lost, including Pelosi (as previously predicted), who wasn't even running! They should have plenty of time to get used to that feeling.


[To be continued...]



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