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Thursday, Dec 31, 2020 - 21:29 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

End-of-Year Thoughts


One thing to admire about each character
[N.B. Looking forward to automated scanlations]
(Source: mangadex.org)


Here's to reprising the use of meaningful manga panels to mark the end/beginning of a year, and in especially swell news, the Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine has also declared a 95% effectiveness rate - up from a preliminary 70% - basically all but identical to Russia's Sputnik V, Pfizer and Moderna. At this rate, I frankly can't protest if Sinovac's vaccine upgrades themselves from merely "more than 50%" to something much closer to 95% too, which as it appears is happening with 91% being reported in Turkish trials. It sure sounds like the pandemic's gonna be over soon... and then one hears of a near-90% vaccination rate being needed to achieve herd immunity, with the WHO's chief scientist confirming that there's no evidence that the vaccines prevent transmission.

It seems good to end 2020 with a slightly-personal story, and this involves Mr. Ham, as it quite often tends to. Some months ago, his latest incarnation was on his last legs, and I was all like, "rage, rage against the dying of the light"; instead he was all, "LOL nope, too much bother, seeya bb", and expired without even trying, which I thought was slightly rude, seeing as to how he tends to time it right before his rent payment. But fine, I've been through this six or seven times before, and had the procedure more or less down pat by now. After ceremoniously dangling a strip of bacon over his muzzle thrice and not getting a twitch, it remained only to prepare for his latest departure.

This is because, you see, I have long figured that it's always the same bastard hamster returning, not having compiled sufficient evidence to the contrary otherwise. This involves the proper rites and rituals, naturally, and a brief delving into these more-occult subjects (Newton himself did it, okay, and it's useful practice to try and grasp the internal logic of such systems, even if they may not work out in reality) suggested the imbibition of psychedelic substances, to gain spiritual knowledge of the new identity of the reborn returnee.

Of course, the above was entirely impractical and not to say illegal, this being Singapore, and I reasoned that some shortcuts could be taken, since the soul involved was very smol. Best I could manage in the end was huffing the smoke from a boiling mix of Campbell's mushroom and alphabet soup a little, and I think I ate a little too much of the brew before remembering that I needed the letters for divination, and was left with something like B C J M V. Now, I haven't been in practice with competitive Scrabble for awhile, but I was quite sure that this didn't make a word, and so on went my nonlinear thinking cap - BC for British Columbia? JB for Johor Bahru? M for mottled?

After racking my brain for a bit, I decided that it was bloody inconsiderate for any hamster to want to reincarnate himself in a foreign territory, what with travel restrictions and all that, and he additionally never looked the type to be a fancy shiny rare breed. Thus, I quietly consumed those letters to leave VC, which I interpreted as Vivocity, which was at least within a few MRT stops of my place. These guys might be dead, but they still have to learn to move with the times, as they're enforcing in China currently. Not being alive is no excuse! So I went down to the Pet Lovers Centre there, and it turned out that they were short on pocket pets, due to the closed borders, and one imagines, increased demand from the lockdown. Fine.

It took a few trips, but finally stock that had not been instantly snapped up had arrived, and I was confronted with several gregarious and very cute chaps enjoying themselves together, and a moody loner brooding in his own enclosure. It was then that I knew I had my hamster back, and forewent the traditional trials just this time. Transaction complete, the latest Mr. Ham would be chauffeured back to his old-new home in a deluxe cardboard container, and I had just placed him on my hand to get to know him better and explain the circumstances when...

Me: Did... did you just relieve yourself?!

Mr. Ham: Well, it's been about the seventh time that we've been together, so I assumed that we were pretty close already.

Me: *very deliberately wiping palm on Mr. Ham's fur* Well, you imagined wrongly, and I am remembering why I was in no hurry to search you out on the last occasion. But here's your bowler hat and monocle of office.

Mr. Ham: That's a good chap, eh, where's the vittles, wot, serf?

Me: Okay, let me calibrate this. *fiddles with switch on the back of the bowler hat*

Mr. Ham: ROVERS FOR THE CUP!

Me: Too much in the other direction.

Mr. Ham: *blinks* I remember everything!

Me: Good, here's your overdue rent statement.

Mr. Ham: I remember nothing!


And with that, he settled back into his accustomed routine without much ado.



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