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Sunday, Mar 07, 2021 - 21:50 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Slumber Affect

Received my first vaccination jab last week, which also saw one of the best days of my life, when I discovered that a Pokéstop had popped up within range of my apartment.

I realise I'm overdue for another content-heavy post - and heavens know, there's fresh material enough for several - but yeah, other commitments have left me unable to do those developments justice just yet. Additionally, my sleep schedule's spiralled out of whack, no thanks to Mr. Ham.

A not-uncommon 4 a.m. exchange follows:

Nom nom nom

*sustained biting noises*

Me: Good very early morning, Mr. Ham.

Mr. Ham: *gnaw* Hail to you too, *gnaw* human!

Me: If I might be so uncouth as to interrupt, might you be done with this slightly bothersome desecration of your property anytime soon? I would wish to get some shut-eye, if it would not be too much trouble, to work towards your upkeep.

Mr. Ham: *gnaw* That's extremely insensitive, human. This is an essential component of hamster culture, passed down through the ages! Twenty minutes a day, to keep our incisors trimmed and healthy! You don't find me commanding you to stop brushing your teeth, huh? Huh?

Me: Apologies, but from my lying in bed after being woken up, unable to decide whether to do something about this matter, it must surely have been twenty minutes. So I suppose you'll be done momentarily then?

Mr. Ham: Actually, it's twenty minutes a bar.

Me: How much?

Mr. Ham: Are you bribing me, sir?

Me: Yes, I am bribing you, hamster.

Mr. Ham: Oh okay, just making sure.

*gnawing resumes ten minutes later*

Me: Now what?!

Mr. Ham: Your payment covers only the bars on that side of the cage, human. Hamsters pay obeisance to the four cardinal directions. Very important. I might however be persuaded to abbreviate the practice of my people slightly if...

*Mr. Ham gets thrown in the clink*

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