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Not too many surprises, sad to say. Cheerleading for COP26 both in the international media and by impressionable local youths aside, it's looking increasingly like the usual photo-op and exchange of grand but vague and unenforceable statements, as with China's deal with the U.S. after being absent initially. In China's defense, being the cut-price factory of the world implies plenty of emissions, and it's looking form over function for many other nations anyway; as The New Yorker is reporting, the game of trust isn't going over too well with Malaysia and the Central African Republic in particular claiming utterly absurd carbon absorption rates, and frankly it's not as if our hands are all that clean either - petroleum refining aside, there's all the (largely-unspoken) involvement in sand dredging and deforestation, and to be frank it's not like there's much appetite for doing more, annual bellyaching aside. It can't have escaped most of the participants that concern over "climate change" largely reduces to posturing and good public relations in the (not very informed) public mind, as demonstrated by the expansive vows by a gaggle of financial institutions worth a supposed US$130 trillion - does that much money even exist? If so, maybe the cabal could consider dishing out just US$20 billion to the U.N. World Food Programme right now, to solve world hunger three times over, and throw a deserved party with the change. By the way, the Taliban's in on the climate gig for gibs too - quick learners, you've gotta admit. From their recent parade with vehicles generously donated by the U.S. Army, their organizational ability can't be much worse than the American-led coalition, given the graft and nonexistent legacy sustained. Perhaps they deserve a bit of a chance? Well, China may have their own other concerns at the moment, with Evergrande perpetually on the brink of defaulting (or has already, depending on who you're listening to). Whether or not one believes these financial capers are part of some larger conspiracy, it seems incontrovertible that inflation can no longer be ignored by the Washington elite. The far-above-expectations October CPI report of 6.2% has finally put a number to what the man on the street has been taking all along, and in a sign that the official narrative might have been forced to shift, the current POTUS has just acknowledged combating inflation as the top priority, with MSNPC having to delete their tweet claiming inflation is a good thing, because there's only so much suspension of disbelief that their readers can take. To their credit, the MAS has clarified their stance on crypto speculation, as the headwinds are poised to strike - and hard. Mr. Ham: See, this is the problem with hoomans - out of nothing, so much trouble and bullshit. And there you are, veering into spirituality and voodoo in recent posts. Me: It's a life philosophy, hamster. Maybe it's a bit cope, but many belief systems do contain some truth, in the most general sense; for example, from a distant enough perspective, it's evident that the Buddhist concept of the fundamental emptiness of all phenomena appears true, if somewhat antithetical to continued striving in, say, conventional science. Perhaps not something to immerse oneself too deeply in - otherwise I'd be bald and secluded in a mountain somewhere - and I kind of like my ego-identity too. But, I figured, hey, just take what is helpful from all those systems, it's not as if that deprives others. Mr. Ham: *checking Wikipedia* Yeah, what do we have here on Buddhism... main objective is to end suffering permanently... meh, doesn't work for me, I'm a bit of a masochist, but I can do sadist too. Say, visit my basement someday? Me: Emergency change of subject. But look, there are quite a few other benefits; absence of self-doubt, for one. Mr. Ham: Have you ever known me to second-guess myself? Me: I think the term for that is pathological narcissism, but I guess it works too. Absolute wisdom and self-knowledge? Mr. Ham: But I already know everything. And if I don't, not saying that's ever the case, it can't be important anyway. Me: ...well, I suppose extinguishing of ego and renunciation of pride isn't up your alley, then. Mr. Ham: *shrugs* Assuredly, I am definitely the most humble being in all existence. Please don't feel bad about that. Me: Fine, so what do you believe in? Mr. Ham: Ah, I knew you'd come to that. Well, the hamster community has anticipated this, and prepared simple introductory pamplets, for the moral edification of inferior lifeforms. *rummages through cheek pouches* lottery ticket... shopping list... ah, here you go:  Succinctly put [Larger version with readable text] (Original sources: reddit.com, knowyourmeme.com) Me: *raising eyebrow* Your opinions have been noted, Mr. Ham. Mr. Ham: Oh, don't take it too hard, it's just the truth. It's just a pity how far you lot have fallen, the ancient Egyptians and Indians came close with their animal-headed deities after all, but then you hoomans got too self-centered, and lost the light. But it's not like you guys are too far behind; in our cosmology, you're right behind the various gods and devas - hamsters on top, goes without saying - then other animals, then the ghosts and hell-creatures, and cats at the very bottom. Me: Coincidentally, this arrangement is actually not that far removed from standard Buddhist doctrine; always thought their assignment of Brahmā - and by association, similar Abrahamic Creator gods - to a relatively low realm was a cute dig, mind. Not that I think your theory is a true representation. But since I've some time to kill, tell me more. Mr. Ham: *ahem* Me: What? Oh, the usual? Mr. Ham: Yeah, your Buddha himself didn't give away his precious scriptures for free, cough 'em up.  Barely adequate, but I'll accept it Master Ham: That'll do, make yourself comfortable, cross-legged seating will do. We will begin with a small mindfulness exercise. Focus on your breathing, visualize an object of your choice, and observe your troubles and thoughts pass before you. Me: Wait, this practice doesn't seem congruent with what you have just revealed of your philosophy? Master Ham: Heavens, no - we hamsters, being perfect beings, have no need of such cultivation! It's for you only. But keep it up, and if you're nice enough to me, perhaps you will one day too enjoy the insurmountable bliss, of reincarnation as one of us, with your own hooman servant and everything! Me: ...only to fall back to lower states of being, as our merit diminishes over ages? Master Ham: Nah, hamsterhood is a once and done thing, there is no concept of degradation in perfection, after all. Me: ...I am withdrawing my mind... fixed on a shape... its edges clear before my mind's eye... it is a sphere, a ball... Master Ham: Ah, yes, the most exalted of shapes. Me: ...I see its texture... it is furry... Master Ham: And the holiest of beings! Me: ...I imagine it in my grasp... I squeeze it gently... Master Ham: Uh, this may not be necessary. Me: Squeeze, squeeze... Master Ham: Is it at least a generic hamster? Me: Oh no, it looks curiously, exactly like you. Squeeze... Master Ham: *shivering* Okay, exercise cut. Perhaps discourse would be more to your taste. We will start with a classic koan - does a hamster have Buddha-nature? Me: Yeah, everybody has flipped to the answer section for this one, everything has Buddha-nature. Master Ham: You dolt, the right question would have been - more importantly, does the Buddha have hamster-nature? Pretty unintuitive and hidebound, aren't ya? Never mind, next one. Observe this painting of Confucius, Buddha and Laozi drinking from a pot of vinegar. What is your interpretation? Me: ...it's right there on the page; Confucius has a sour expression since he saw life as sour and requiring proper rules and regulations, Buddha has a bitter expression due to lives being unending suffering, and Laozi has a sweet expression due to natural living by the Tao being wonderful in itself. Master Ham: ...Idiot, you have three old men drinking vinegar by the cupful from the vat, who the hell does that?! A single tablespoon can cause oesophageal injury by itself! Any guy with half a brain would be stopping them and calling poison control! But never mind, let us try one more. A beautiful girl in the next block has become pregnant, and after repeated pressure from her angry parents, she claimed a neighbouring Zen master as the father. The Zen master's reputation was instantly ruined, but he simply said "Is that so?", and accepted the infant girl and brought her up as his own, despite being viewed as a pariah by the community. A couple of years later, the girl could finally bear it no longer, and admitted that the true father was her lover. At this, the girl's parents hastened to apologize to the Zen master, and asked for the baby back. At that, the Zen master again merely said, "Is that so?", and returned the child. What do you understand from this story, hooman? Me: Sure, there are many possible reactions, but the main takeway, I think, is that it illustrates that equanimity is possible in all situations, when there is no self to defend. Master Ham: ...Bloody heck, it is illegal for a single male to adopt a girl, the whole story was clearly made-up FAKE NEWS. Your discernment is sadly lacking, hooman, and I can help you no further. Please go home and reflect on your shortcomings. Me: ...Right, O Rotund furry one. But just one last question - you have pooped on my bed, although I have thankfully made the precaution of covering your seating area with tissue. Why would you do that? Master Ham: Why would I poop on my own bed? For a fellow supposedly holding a doctorate, you ain't very bright, are you? Me: ...I want to check your credentials, and a refund. Next: A Brief Lightening Of The Mood
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