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Thursday, May 02, 2024 - 23:18 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Still In Search

As the previous post appears to have drawn some interest in real life, clarifications and more commentary shall follow, before a trip to Seattle that will see me stuck in the air/in transit for about three full days, for a five-day conference:


Dealbreakers

While "no prejudice towards height, educational level, politics, religion etc." was stated, this only applied to the filter options, i.e. the potential match would not be outright blacklisted due to those characteristics. However, they could still play a large role in whether the profile was right or left-swiped, in practice:

  • Age: 25 - 32 years. This was the only filter set, for biological reasons (wish to start family). Again, for those foaming at the mouth about this, my virtual avatar is there, do with it as you will

  • Height: Personal preference within about 155cm to 170cm, which seems to cover most everyone. I mean, I'm not turning down anyone taller than me if they don't mind, but that's not too common anyway

  • Exercise: Ignore claims, inspect full body pics

  • Education: From the few dates I've gone on, having at least a degree seems to help communications, but this is again not a strict criteria; it's entirely possible that some quite intelligent persons might not have attended university, for various good reasons

  • Drinking: Most everyone claims to drink socially at most, anyhow

  • Smoking: Loses quite a few points, but rare and generally not my type to begin with

  • Intention: Relationship/Marriage preferred, very likely to swipe left for Casuals/Undecided

  • Kids: Want preferred, Open to kids/Unsure neutral; With kids is basically no-go, apologies, that would be a little much for the current me to deal with

  • Star sign: Yeah, that's a official filter

  • Politics: I suppose I could switch up as needed

  • Religion: Not cause for dismissal, unless it appears overly central to their identity, or if the religion mandates conversion for spouses

Other than the above, there's race/ethnicity, which is not included in the filter list, but usually easily discernable from the (mandatory) photos. Well, I did try to enter with an open mind, but in the end having a similar cultural background does seem to aid attraction - if with a few exceptions. Note that some profiles omit most or all of the above details, in which case they were generally not placed under further consideration.


Looks & Types


Mix and match six of the above
(Source: r/starterpacks)


It is admittedly somewhat superficial to turn down potential life partners mostly based on external appearances alone, but this is largely a consequence of the app medium and design, which primarily showcases users' photos. Sure, there's a short bio and the option to add some interests (usually some basic combination of travel, food, exercise, I like cats, hanging out at cafes blah blah), prompts and quips, but in my opinion they are largely unreliable in establishing actual personality - anybody can come up with (or Google for) a fetching hook, after all (though "ask me" as the bio does get docked points)

Now, there were some standouts that quoted Wilde, Game of Thrones and other fantasy/sci-fi series, and even a couple of gamer gals, but sadly none of those passed the "my (physical) type" bar, if I recall rightly. I have never placed having common interests/hobbies particularly high on my list of wants, going by the reasoning that those are mutable - what happens then if one party is no longer interested in the shared pastime? And then there was one promising candidate, who "disliked small furry creatures"; I turned to behold the mournful (or was it blank?) faces of my hamsters, before sadly swiping left.

And to elaborate on "my type", for the sake of illustration, please reference this website on supposedly the top fifteen K-pop girl groups of the year. Assuredly, all the ladies on that page have to be popularly acknowledged as conventionally (very) attractive, and each of them probably has thousands - if not millions - of male fans willing to drag their dangly appendages over miles of broken glass to approach.

Well, a quick scan through has less than half being "my type" by appearances alone, with maybe a third qualifying for a right-swipe were they on the app. Of course, this makes no claim on whether they would swipe on my profile, and is merely intended to demonstrate that personal tastes can vary to a large extent - admittedly some of "my types" likely wouldn't get recruited into idol groups. One of the few mitigating factors for me would be familiarity over time (which hopefully bodes well for future long-term relationships), although this probably doesn't work unless the type criteria is fulfilled to some extent in the first place.

[To be continued...]



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