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Thursday, July 18, 2024 - 23:29 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

A Van For My Pen

History - and the promised interesting times - continues its relentless march, and given that everybody has probably seen that iconic photograph (already on T-shirts and tattoos within hours), this post will largely address the (conspiracy) theory that the attempted assassination was staged. Mind, this is hardly a fringe hypothesis, from how the obvious parallel with Chen Shui-bian's twenty years ago was immediately raised on local forums, with the former Taiwanese president chipping in.

As a chap who's been through the whole conscription and rifle training shebang (and who's programmed an SAF range simulation back in 2011, for those interested) on much the same AR15 variant used (and actually paid for a refresher in Vegas a few months back), I daresay nobody's going to be particularly confident of hitting what amounts to maybe a quarter-inch target, from some 150 yards, Wild West legends included. Accuracy under optimal conditions appears to be closer to two inches at that distance, which largely rules out intentionally clipping an ear; a mere eighth of an inch to the right, and it could have been very different.


An inch as good as a mile
[N.B. Video simulation also available]
(Source: instagram.com)


Discounting the more-outlandish assertions of our former WWE Hall of Famer GEOTUS blading himself as a second sharpshooter did the deed before finishing off the MKULTRA-ed patsy (shades of JFK here), one can almost attribute the outcome to divine providence, were there no other unfortunate victims (and lingering partisanship). Echoing Teddy Roosevelt, our Glorious Bull Merchant himself would duly attend an upbeat Republican National Convention the next day as scheduled, ear demurely bandaged, and announce J.D. Vance as his running mate.

While rooting for Gabbard myself, Vance does make plenty of sense as a link to the Midwest and Middle America, before going into the savings involved* in retaining 80% of previous campaign signs (note the former VP and once-Republican leaders such as Bush, Romney, Cheney and Ryan all not attending, as TRUMP completes the realignment and rebirth of the GOP), and how it showcases GEOTUS's uncanny ability to convert non-believers, with Biden nearly going MAGA in the aftermath. As it is, TRUMP has already managed to get Taiwan to increase their defence budget as POTUS goes down with Covid instead - perhaps a sign from the Lord Almighty then?


[*Also recalling the one red paperclip stunt, in which a blogger started by trading the eponymous paperclip for a pen in Vancouver, before working his way up to a truck (close enough?). The final trade from a film role to a farmhouse does seem a little abrupt, in the vein of apple-polishing jokes.]



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