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 Pure kino (Source: economist.com) [Modern adaptation of an old classic] FADE FROM BLACK: Int. of Don TRUMP's home office -day ZELENSKY (seated in pajamas in front of the Don's desk, facing the camera) I believe in America. America has made my fortune (cut to Burisma and Hunter Biden's extremely convenient unconditional pardon). I demand security guarantees! DON TRUMP I think you are skipping a lot of content there. At least you're all dressed up, I see. [Zelensky breaks down. The Don gestures to Vance to give Zelensky some lunch] Sorry... but not sorry. [Zelensky, taking the piss, goes off script] I -- I went to the United Nations, like a good Ukrainian. These Russians were brought to trial. The Security Council took three years and absolved them -- no sentence. No sentence! They went free that very day! I stood in the courtroom like a comedian. And that Putin bastard, he smiled at me. Then I said to my people, "for justice, we must go to Don TRUMP". DON TRUMP (apparently miming grabbing a pussy) Why did you go to the U.N.? Why didn't you come to me first? ZELENSKY: What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do. DON TRUMP: What is that? [Zelensky gets up to whisper his request into Don TRUMP's ear] That I cannot do. ZELENSKY: I'll give you anything you ask. DON TRUMP: Fine, investigate the Bidens. ZELENSKY: Uh, how about some minerals? DON TRUMP: We've known each other for many years, but this is the first time you came to me for counsel, for help. I can't remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my country is goddamn bankrolling your only hope. But let's be frank here: you never wanted my friendship. And you were afraid to be in my debt. ZELENSKY: I didn't want to get into trouble. DON TRUMP: I understand. You found paradise in America, got a good deal, made a good living. The Democrats protected you; and there were courts of law. And you didn't need a friend of me. But now you come to me and you say -- "Don TRUMP give me justice and security guarantees!" -- But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me GOD-EMPEROR. Instead, you come into my White House on the day our agreement is to be signed, and you ask me to do murder, for money. ZELENSKY: I ask you for justice. DON TRUMP: That is not justice; your country is still alive (barely) ZELENSKY: Then they can suffer then, as we suffer. (then) How many minerals shall I pay you? DON TRUMP (stands, turning his back toward Zelensky) Zelensky... Zelensky... What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come to me in friendship - and in a suit - then this scum that ruined your country would be suffering this very day. And that by chance if a dictator man such as yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you. ZELENSKY: Be my friend -- (then, after remembering something as the Don shrugs) -- but first, security guarantees... DON TRUMP: Can you even believe this delusional fool?! You are not ready for justice or peace if I am involved, because you feel that my involvement gives you a big advantage. I don't want advantage, I want peace. You have disrespected the United States of America in its cherished Oval Office. You can come back when you are ready for peace, and not before. Oh, and no lunch for you. Good day, sir! Next: Be My Friend, GOD-EMPEROR
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