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Sunday, Apr 12, 2026 - 20:37 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

Hopping MAD

It may be time for another movie review, after our take on Aladdin (as part of a three-fer) from 2019, and Gods of Egypt (remember it?) from 2016 (probably still my favourite). Today's flick will be Hoppers, in which a disgustingly adorable beaver plagiarizes Avatar (as indeed lampshaded in the movie, and as coincidentally referenced in our Aladdin review) to subconsciously promote extant American foreign policy to the credulous popcorn-munching masses. Yes, you heard that right. Look, if you guys want the run-of-the-mill propaganda, you can just peruse Rotten Tomatoes, which has 94% of everybody reconfiguring the usual quirky platitudes from the last five Pixar cash-grab offerings; but if you are up for the real sauce, then buckle up - and of course, spoilers abound.

Having amply addressed Disney's general moral bankruptcy from their glorification of an upjumped Persian NEET, we regret to report that Mickey is plumbing new lows. The opening has ecoterrorist-in-training Mabel loot a menagerie of beloved class pets without their consent, with the story proper kicking off with her being effectively orphanized, after her grandmother conveniently shuffles off the mortal coil in the prelude. Now, all I want to say is that you really don't want to be the parent-figure of a prospective Disney protagonist; these fellas' life expectancies are measured in out-of-focus flashbacks. Heck, Sith Lords tend to have the decency to allow their masters to stick around for decades, before claiming main characterhood.

Mabel, as might be expected, was not a very good student, but I suppose she picked a college with sufficiently-lax diversity initiatives, where she duly resolved to not attend as many lectures as possible whilst interfering with local governance. This included campaigning against popular and much-needed public infrastructure projects, as painstakingly planned by the city's diligent mayor, and no mean feat in the current era of American civil works decline. After her attempt at gathering signatures for a petition fails miserably, she repays her long-suffering biology professor, Dr. Fairfax, by remorselessly burglarizing her research lab and stealing her life's work - which you have got to admit is very Aladdin indeed. Clap clap.


Repeat after me, no "from the river to the sea"!
(Source: abc7.com)


And we're just getting to the probably CIA-funded psyops bit. So, Mabel got her mind uploaded into a beaver avatar, which is so totally not Avatar firstly because it's not blue, but more pertinently because Disney had already absorbed 20th Century Fox - and, one gathers, their intellectual property - some years back. Anyway, Mabel starts swinging her furry beaver around in a very uncomfortable pickup attempt that really should have had the Motion Picture Association reconsider their PG rating, but you gotta start the brainwashing young, I suppose.

Frankly, one would have thought that showcasing a nineteen year-old hooking up with an elderly King would have been taboo amidst the ongoing Epstein saga, but yeah Hollywood. On to the geopolitical implications, Hoppers first attacks the concept of Westphalian sovereignty by presenting Mabel as in the right when she asserts de-facto control over a glade, despite neither her nor the previous residents having title to the land, which was by all accounts held in fee simple by the city, for which the mayor simply acted as legal executor in pursuing development. Moreover, the natives had all been lawfully expelled relocated via non-physical inducements, a procedure that Team Blue leadership is currently supporting in the Middle East.

Battlefield setbacks then had Mammal King George - whom Mabel has twisted about her cute webbed paws by now - convene a special session of the United Nations Animal Security Council, comprising the five permanent members representing the Insects, Amphibians, Fish, Reptiles and Birds. Mabel then openly assassinates the Insect delegate within minutes, providing legitimacy to the decapitation strike strategy - ideally midway through negotiations, so they let their guard down - that is currently all the rage in international diplomacy.


It was obviously intentional, by the way
(Source: youtube.com)


This encouragement of force and violence towards dispute resolution is emphasized throughout the film, and by no means a one-off. The Council would immediately muster their armies in response to Mabel's perfidy, and sanction the deployment of their nuclear option: the Great White Shark, "Diane". Trust me, Fat Man and Little Boy ain't got nuthin' on her! Mabel's shady machinations would instigate the Animal Council to prosecute their own decapitation strike on the unwitting mayor, who frankly was just minding his own business. In response, the Mabel Gang basically kidnaps the mayor for his own safety, because that seems alright in national dealings nowadays too.

The "horribly-disfigured" son of the assassinated head of state is then cast as the antagonist for attempting proportionate retaliation, because one suspects that the Human faction has slain orders of magnitude more of their kind than what he targeted in his foiled counterstrike - but they don't count because they're not like us, is the message here. Disappointingly, no solidarity is to be found as the Amphibian King backstabs the wronged successor, before the Council nominates a puppet replacement, in a clear demonstration that at the end of it all, might makes right.

The primacy of the Law of the Jungle is in fact not-at-all-subtly codified by King George under the label of "Pond Rules", in particular Rule Number Two: When you have to eat, you eat (but it's nice if you greet them first). Nature, red in tooth and claw is played for laughs here, with (Russian?) bear Ellen unceremoniously swallowing gregarious fish Steve a split second after the latter was acknowledged by George, to absolutely no reaction from any of the cast. Loaf's resigned acceptance when captured by Ellen might then be understood as a commandment aimed at candidate eatees, for the multipolar world...


It's okay, this is just the "rules-based (pond/world) order"!
(Source: facebook.com)




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