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Thursday, Jan 25, 2024 - 23:54 SGT
Posted By: Gilbert

The Persistence Of Doubt

子曰：吾十有五而志于学，三十而立，四十而不惑，五十而知天命，六十而耳顺，七十而从心所欲，不逾矩。

It appears that I am forty, and time has begun to weigh; this might be half my years, and it would even so not be deemed inadequate. It will, almost surely, not be less than a third.

However, to grasp too hard at one's time, to dedicate oneself to owning it and enjoying it, tends to result in squandering it - such is the relativity of perception, quite the paradox.

Contemplating my situation, perhaps I might have been ruined by incidental material success; there being no conventional career that would realistically make any difference in monetary terms can sap one's discipline, not that my needs were ever remarkable in that respect anyway. Still, it's an odd experience to basically be paying to work, conservatively estimated from opportunity cost. The job's meaningful, I suppose, and I have got to admit that I am already too untethered from society as it is, without such mandated interactions.

There is some reason behind the withdrawal, which shall be discussed in future posts. Suffice to say for now that there lies no individual attribution to such, although I do regret to an extent the silence where words once flowed. To this I add that I remain regarding all those involved as friends. Their opinions on the matter are, of course, their own to decide.

士为知己者死，女为悦己者容。


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